
Class JP8.2&L&_ 

Book ,(Pj3 3^H6 



Copyright}! iio^. 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



Homespun 
©6fc>s anfc Bn6e 



3obn H* Collins 

©f tbe jpueblo, Colorabo, JSar 



The Smith-Brooks Printing Company 

Denver, Colorado 

1902 



THE LSBRASY OF 
CONGRESS, 

Two Cowet Rt-.-sivKU 

: 

COPVRIOHT ENTRY 



1~ 



CLASS ft-XXo Mo. 

/-/- 3 o- 7 i 

COP 1 ? H 



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Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1902, by 

JOHN A. COLLINS, 
In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



Dedication 

It is stereotyped that every book must have 
a dedicatory page, and the question arises 
in the words of Juliet, "Was ever book, con- 
taining such vile matter, so fairly bound?" 
I refuse to answer a question which answer 
might incriminate me, and, therefore, pro- 
ceed in the orthodox form to say: To my 
dear wife, Clara H. Collins, this little vol- 
ume is dedicated. 

John A. Collins. 



preface 

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! every tyro tries his 
hand at essay writing. To prevent being 
classified as an "off-color," I deliver unto 
you these sketches, several of which have 
been in type before. 

Conceding the pages which follow cover 
soil already tilled, by gentlemen of scholas- 
tic attainments and recognized literary abil- 
ity, and that the subscriber can not point 
to a single fresh idea — hot from the furnace 
fire of a genius — yet, I respectfully submit 
them, trusting you may find a link here and 
there in the chain binding the auld lang 
syne to the throbbing realities of to-day, 
the brighter for my furbishing. 

Some of my friends, over-estimating the 
quality of gray matter under my hat, may 
look forward to a work from my pen similar 
to "The Origin of Species," "Fragments of 
Science," "First Principles," or, "The Riddle 



6 PREFACE. 

of the Universe." I don't; I did, but find 
publishers slow to appreciate MS. along such 
lines — from my stylus. 

If you can "screw your courage to the 
sticking place/' read this book to the finis ; do 
so in a Samaritan frame of mind, and with 
eyes closed to technical criticism. When a 
lad, with only a few summers to my credit, 
I was taught to declaim something which 
contained "view me not with a critic's eye, 
but pass my imperfections by," et cetera, 
and now, at the age of — O, well, old enough 
to be serious in craving that the author be 
enveloped once again in the same mantle 
of charity ; bearing in mind that it is he who 
is footing the bills, and, also, that this med- 
ley would never have been launched save at 
the solicitation of the only one willing to 
stultify herself to flatter my vanity by sug- 
gesting that these "Odds and Ends" deserved 
better treatment than lying cooped up in 
pigeon-holes, and, too, that she had read 
worse (I can not conceive when or where). 

Wherefore, I pray you, being both court 
and jury, that whatever entertainment you 



PREFACE. 7 

find or kindly opinion you form by reason of 
any image presented herein, give the verdict, 
and enter up judgment in favor of the one 
above referred to — my dear wife — to whom 
this little volume is dedicated. 

This Queen of my home authorizes me to 
state she accepts all responsibility, saving 
and excepting always from these presents, 
the financial loss — which she feels, by intui- 
tion, to be inevitable. Now, isn't that petti- 
coats for you? — cuts across the circle, while 
I laboriously navigate half the circumference 
only to find the deficit and her sweet face 
there, ready to greet me with, "I told you 
so." 

J. A. 0. 

Pueblo, Colo., A. D. 1902. 



Contents 

PAGE. 

Rural vs. City Life 9 

A Boy and His Dog 25 

Chirks Concerning the Cricket 39 

Value of Books and Reading 57 

A Thanksgiving Day Reverie 79 

The Farmer 89 

Christmas 105 

A Philatelic Item 121 

Old Age— A Tribute 135 

Sympathy 151 

The Old Fireplace 163 

Spare-ribs 175 

The Passing of the Old Mill 199 

Wonderland 211 



IRural vs. Gits %ifc 



God made the country, 
And man made the town. 

— Cotoper: The Task. 



IRural vs. City Xife 

A voicing of the differences, as seen by the 
writer, between an existence in a city and liv- 
ing in the country. Using the term exist- 
ence, as applicable to the city, because I be- 
lieve the ideal life and greatest happiness is 
found only in the rural district. Here are a 
limited few of the contrasts. 

The city life, with its close air, turmoil, 
strife, struggle, and noise, to say nothing of 
its smoke, grime, dingy buildings, want and 
misery on every side, is a gloomy picture 
when contrasted with the quiet, peaceful 
life of the average countryman, breathing 
pure health-giving atmosphere, and sur- 
rounded by such accessories as bleating 
sheep, lowing herds, bawling calves, cackling 
hens, squealing pigs, strutting pea-fowls. 
Then add the graceful swallow, flitting 
around the gables of an old barn, the re- 
turning martin each spring to his haunts 
of last year; the saucy and pugilistic blue 



12 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

i 

bird, ever spoiling for a fight; the cock robin 
and fair jenny wren hopping about the 
kitchen door picking up stray crumbs; the 
imitative catbird in the underbrush; the 
meadow lark or wee "peter soup" on the 
apex of an old tree, piping away for dear 
life; the brown thrush in the tanglewood 
merrily uttering his ever-changing song ; the 
quail whistling in the orchard ; the petite and 
frisky squirrel going from branch to branch 
with the ease and agility of a sprite; the 
startled "cotton-tail" scurrying across the 
stubble; the dainty sunfish, the big goggle- 
eye and wary black bass sporting in limpid 
brooks; the springs of sparkling "Adam's 
ale" — these, and more, objects of pleasure to 
every healthy mind, are eliminated from the 
city. 

Nature, especially in her virginity, should 
appeal to and cause every attribute of our 
being to pulsate with strong determinations 
to lead and live holy lives. 

Even the country church has a peculiarly 
softening influence when its vesper bell 
chimes the close of day, and without our own 



RURAL VS. CITY LIFE. 13 

volition, o'er us steals the sanctity of the 
moment, filling the soul with a sweet cadence 
unknown in town. 

Keader, better is the sight of the old coun- 
try road, with its fringe of dog fennel, than 
the electric tramway, with its polished rails ; 
better the tingling bell on sheep and cow, 
than the clanging of the street car gong; 
better the gee-whoa-haw of the plowboy as 
he follows in the furrow, than the sonorous 
voice of the street fakir crying his wares; 
better the old rail fence, with the chipmunks 
playing in its corners, than the stone coping 
surmounted with iron barbs ; Ay ! better too, 
the tanned-faced, bare-footed school boy, 
trudging along the dusty road, than the edu- 
cated idiot, standing on a street corner suck- 
ing the end of a cane and lustfully eyeing 
every woman who passes; better the rustic 
little maid, with cheek of rosy hue, sur- 
rouded with the frills of a gingham sun- 
bonnet, than the pale, sickly, paint-bedaubed 
lass, with feathers and ribbons piled on ad 
nauseam. 



14 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

The "poor devil" doomed to live in a me- 
tropolis hears from morning until night — 
then repeat — nothing but quotations on 
stocks and bonds, rates of freight, the dis- 
gusting drivel of ward politicians, the latest 
fashions, vile gossip and low innuendoes con- 
cerning our neighbors, while last, and by far 
the most important, the struggle between 
capital and labor trying to find the "happy 
medium." 

How refreshing it would be for us all to 
listen to a knot of farmers discussing the 
prospects of a change in the weather, the con- 
dition of this field of oats or that field of 
corn, the prospects of an early or late har- 
vest, of threshing wheat, mowing hay, cut- 
ting corn or gathering apples. 

In the congested centers it is push, pull, 
bustle, strife and commotion the year round. 
We use the same calendar, yet our count of 
time is by months, by name. No seasons of 
spring, summer, autumn and winter seem to 
belong to us. The city, with its sky-scraping 
buildings, cloud-reaching smoke stacks, hard 
pavements, care-worn men, women and chil- 



RURAL VS. CITY LIFE. 15 

dren, with grinding, exacting business obli- 
gations, has no time to recognize the four di- 
visions made by the relation of old Sol to 
earth. Constantly before us is the demon 
(not God) Mammon, urging on the grasping, 
grabbing, cheating, swindling after the "al- 
mighty dollar." 

How different in the country! The sea- 
sons come in regular order and take on their 
various garbs to please the senses, giving 
each twelvemonth a four-act drama symbolic 
of the life of man, most carefully portrayed 
and more easily comprehended than has yet 
left the brush of the artist or pen of the 
poet. 

Spring in its freshness, clothed in velvety 
green, indicates youth. Likewise nature in 
the opening bud, enlarging leaf, rippling 
brook, dainty wild flowers magic-like spring- 
ing into life, the new born lamb, the tiny 
featherless bird peeping from its nest, the 
atmosphere charged with perfumed, invig- 
orating and stimulating properties, the April 
freshets carrying recuperating tonic for veg- 
etation and filling the mill race, wheels begin 



16 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS, 

! ! 

to revolve, grist to grind, while the water 
goes giggling joyously on to the next mill 
site — all, all say youth is with us. 

Verily, we lose these things in our munici- 
palities, but with such environments found 
in the rural community man intuitively feels 
that this is demonstrative of youth, and, like 
the horse in Job, "he paweth in the valley 
and rejoiceth in his strength." Anon sum- 
mer comes to both city and country. To the 
former, however, merely by name. We know 
the months, June, July, August, better; and 
with them the same old grind, only worse in 
its weariness, as depicted on the faces of 
tired humanity; the heat intense and made 
more oppressive by the furnace-reflecting 
sidewalks and buildings, while misery is nur- 
tured by the foul odor in the wake of the 
sprinkling cart as it arises charged with 
germs of disease and death. At this time 
how we pant in office, store and shop for a 
surcease of drudgery ; but alas ! like the Wan- 
dering Jew, we are urged on and on, no 
time for rest, no time for recreation. 



RURAL VS. CITY LIFE. 17 

Turn our picture, and it produces the 
golden harvest to gladden the eye, droning 
beetle and buzzing bee to quiet the nerves, 
the old oaken bucket to quench our thirst; 
the prospects are good, the heart made glad 
in seeing nature steadily, surely filling out 
the ear, ripening the fruit and bringing all 
to a perfect fruition. Thus the true man 
finds in summer the second act in the drama 
of life, his maturing manhood, known as his 
prime, and longs for the field and wood, say- 
ing: 

"Give me, indulgent gods ; with mind serene, 
And guiltless heart, to range the sylvan 

scene ; 
No splendid poverty, no smiling care, 
No well-bred hate or servile grandeur 

there." 

This season culminates and the curtain 
goes up on Act 3, the richest period ere the 
turning point to old age and decrepitude. So 
the year comes apace, and do we find relief in 
the autumn, we who live in the city? Yes, 
some, not much tho', can be expressed in one 



18 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

sentence, "glad the warm weather is over;" 
that is all. Again we are aware that Sep- 
tember is here, to be followed by October 
and November. No beauties of an autumnal 
season await the man who is city born, bred 
and whose home is bounded by corporate lim- 
its. With him it is the same old office, shop 
or store, the same old buildings, the same old 
smoke, the same hubbub and clatter, the 
same general appearances and line of busi- 
ness engagements. 

How diverse is the condition in the coun- 
try — the garnered grain standing in shock, 
sheaf and stack; the blueberry, blackberry 
and wild grape inviting us to pick them ; the 
orchards hanging heavy with ripe, luscious 
fruit; the bright, crisp mornings; the farm 
wagon at the door ready to take us to the 
long awaited county fair, where all will be 
dressed in gala day attire and we behold ap- 
ples, jams, pumpkins, cows, sheep, mules, 
horses, colts, whirligigs galore, and find all 
manner of home products presided over by 
matronly dames and blushing misses. Fur- 
ther, in lieu of a scrawny tree here and there 



RURAL VS. CITY LIFE. 19 

along a gutter, as in town, we have the varie- 
gated foliage of the forest tinted in delicate 
hues which all the Raphaels, Tintorettos, 
Millets and DuMauriers of the world have 
been unable to fasten on canvas ; here is the 
crimson sumach, the dogwood with red berry 
and maroon leaf, the maple shedding its 
broad yellow ornaments, the scarlet covering 
of the gum fluttering to the ground, while the 
majestic oak — king of the wood — drops one 
by one of his particolored leaves to protect 
his mother from the cold blasts of winter. 
True, this is man's third great moment — the 
results of his efforts materialized; and as the 
autumn shows the garnered grain and gath- 
ered fruit, so ought man at this season have 
fought the fight, kept the faith and con- 
tinue strong until his winter shall dawn. 

Permit me to reiterate, the city affords 
nothing comparable to the country in the fall 
of the year. In the wood we again see our 
festive little companion of spring — the squir- 
rel — jumping and skipping here and there, 
gathering his stores until his puny jaws look 
like unto bursting; also, our friend "Bob- 



20 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

White" comes along strutting at the head of 
his own family, accompanied by those of his 
sisters, his cousins and his aunts, amazing 
us by the multitude of his relatives. At this 
season the country lad and lassie start down 
the lane, over the meadow, across the field 
and through the wood to "deestrict skule;" 
a glad sight, and what is most gratifying, we 
know they will have a training which will be 
sound and solid, for from the precincts of the 
country school have come many of the best, 
truest, bravest and most eminent men of 
this republic. We are confronted with the 
amusements for the long evenings commenc- 
ing in both city and country, and in these 
find greater and more disparaging factors 
against the town. 

The city offers the saloon, with all its 
damning characteristics, to body and soul; 
the gambling hells, with their inducement to 
theft and other crimes; the gaudy theatre 
with its maudling sentimentalities and sug- 
gestive licentiousness ; the society ball room, 
with its low-necked gowns, mazy waltzes, 
its fetid atmosphere, surcharged with suffo- 



RURAL VS. CITY LIFE. 21 

eating odors of vile perfumes and its seduc- 
tive tendency to immorality. 

The country, on the other hand, spreads 
before us the quilting and spelling bee; the 
hill and dale, over which tread huntsmen, 
with dog and gun ever on the alert to bag a 
rabbit or decimate the wood-grouse or par- 
tridge; the corn shucking and barn warming, 
to wind up with an old-fashioned, soul-stir- 
ring Virginia reel, while the fiddler, perched 
on a barrel, manger or hayrack, sings out: 
Salute your partner ; balance all ; swing, and 
so on until the figures have been called. Such 
are innocent and harmless pleasures, leaving 
no sting. So we could go on ad infinitum, 
giving the various distinctions between city 
and hamlet, but in the cycles of time such 
pleasures must end and we are forced to con- 
fess our hair grows gray, our steps falter and 
the elasticity of yore is gone. Our winter is 
upon us as surely as the winter season fol- 
lows the autumn. 

In the city we realize December, January 
and February have arrived according to 
schedule. What changes do they bring? 



22 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Among a few, we see the beautiful snow 
gently fall, soon to suffer from soot and dirt 
— it is uninviting — the streets from inces- 
sant travel slushy and disagreeable, the pave- 
ments glassy with ice, dangerous to life and 
limb, the eaves of our houses a menace with 
their hanging icicles, our coal is filthy to 
handle, it ruins our rugs, furniture and hang- 
ings, fills our rooms with sulphurous smoke ; 
our steam and hot air apparatus causes head- 
ache and lassitude. Still, being harassed 
with the same business cares, we are worn 
out and filled with pain. 

Here, as at all times, the country can give 
you "cards and spades and win the game;" 
it projects on the vision a landscape clothed 
in a mantle of purest white, covering all de- 
cay and preparing the earth for a renewal of 
life — another spring — indicative of the new 
birth of the immortal soul — the awakening 
in newness and freshness which to our 
finite minds is incomprehensible. 

This fourth season of nature and last pe- 
riod of man is lovely to contemplate in the 
country, with the outside world immaculate 



RURAL VS. CITY LIFE. 23 

in its dress and quiet in its movements. 
We see the white-headed rustic sitting by his 
cheerful, crackling fire of oak, hickory or 
beech, watching the dying embers as in medi- 
tation he feels he too must pass away like the 
fire on his hearth, yet, with no tinge of regret 
for lost opportunities, wasted time or sinful 
pleasures, having, by reason of his close and 
constant contact with nature, kept his heart 
pure and spotless. He gives up his earthly 
home for a celestial mansion. No need of 
this man asking "O death, where is thy 
sting; O grave, where is thy victory?" 

In the opinion of the writer thousands are 
making the mistake of their lives in flocking 
to the city. It is true all can not hold the 
plow, raise cattle, all be village blacksmiths, 
cross-road wheelwrights, millers and farm 
hands, but I maintain there are thousands 
who can and have ruthlessly thrown away 
their privilege and continue to trample 
under foot the glories of God as manifested 
on the farm, in the wood and rural districts 
generally; have cast to the winds its purity 
of thought, innocent pleasures, healthful at- 



24 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 



mosphere, ever-changing scenery, and, best 
of all, its power to produce strong phy- 
siques, well-balanced intellects and clear 
consciences. 

The prodigals are many, and should re- 
turn to the life where they can hear the old 
dinner horn, see the old well crane swing up 
and down, follow the meandering of the old 
worm fence, attend the country meeting 
house, and, like we read in the story book, 
"Live happy ever afterward." 



E Boe anb Mis Bog 



Ah! happy years! once more who would 
not be a boy again? 

— Byron: Ch. Harold. 



H Bo$ anb Mis Boo 

A boy and his dog are about the happiest 
pair of animals extant, and the free-masonry 
existing between them belongs to a higher 
degree than the adult is permitted to take in 
the Order. 

I dare say, if the truth was known, the 
beautiful story of Damon and Pythias found 
its origin in the friendship and co-partner- 
ship of the urchin and his canine. 

By foreordination a boy selects this four- 
footed playfellow as his right bower in the 
game of childhood, and, with apologies to the 
marriage ceremony injunction of "what 
therefore God hath joined together, let no 
man put asunder," you would be safer in 
tickling the flank of a mule than in disobey- 
ing said command by trying to part this 
twain. Any interference or threatening at- 
titude toward the boy will be resented by the 
dog fastening his fangs in your flesh, or, 
should you insult his pup, the head of the 



28 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

firm will "jump your frame" ere you cau say 
"Jack Robinson." 

The most prominent characteristic of this 
alliance is that the more measly the breed of 
cur the closer the bond of fellowship and 
communion. 

The grief and desire for revenge of Sir 
Kenneth — the Knight of the Leopard — when 
he found his alan hound Roswal weltering 
in his own blood, shed in defense of King 
Richard's English standard, you commend. 
Then do not ignore or condemn the street 
gamin when you witness his little soul well 
up and exhibit the same passions, because 
some burly ruffian has kicked his little 
"pard" into the gutter. The boy, in his man- 
ifestation of grief and anger, is teaching the 
noble lesson we should all learn, to wit, to 
champion the cause of the weak and unof- 
fending against the unbridled brutality of 
the strong. 

Our boy knows by heart all the stories 
about lives being saved in the dangerous Al- 
pine passes by dogs sent from the mountain 
monasteries, and how the famous St. Ber- 



A BOY AND HIS DOG. 29 

nard dog Barry had forty rescues to his 
credit when old age called him to account, 
and that now his stuffed skin occupies a 
place of honor in the Berne museum. Yet he 
believes his Carlo would have accomplished 
the same things if the opportunity had been 
his. 

You relate to him the fate of Gelert, Llew- 
ellyn's faithful dog, and his childish imagi- 
nation conjures up his Carlo covered with 
wounds received in defending the babe, but 
you will never get him to admit that he 
would have pierced his dog through and 
through without first a careful examination, 
and would then have been saved the remorse. 
Small use has he for Llewellyn's hasty tem- 
per. 

Your son is ready at any time to prove his 
dog a better trick dog than Merrylegs of 
Sleary's Circus, mentioned in Mr. Dickens' 
"Hard Times ;" and so on down the list. 

Tired out with rollicking, your bairn 
crawls up on your knee, with frowzy head 
and warm, moist hands — smelling of dog — 
and awaits his evening story; gives rapt at- 



30 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

tention to the wanderings of Ulysses — of 
how he outwitted Circe, outgeneraled the Cy- 
clop, passed the Sirens safely, and all his ad- 
ventures on his homeward journey — includ- 
ing the narrative of how, when Ulysses finally 
got back, neither his old herdsman Eumaeus, 
his son Telemachus or his good wife Penel- 
ope recognized him, but his old dog Argus, 
being no such dullard, knew his master in- 
stantly, though the separation had been 
twenty years. Is it any wonder the listening 
child feels that his side partner — stretched 
out before the fire — would never forget him 
either, though centuries intervened? Is it 
any wonder, I ask, to have him slide down 
from your lap and put his tiny arms around 
the neck of his mangy cur, and, while cluster- 
ing curls and dog hair intertwine, hear him 
talk in caressing terms to his pet? It is true 
you do not understand the occult lingo, but 
the dog does, and answers with a telegraphic 
code of dots and dashes, made by his tail 
striking the floor. 

Should you have a desire to expostulate, 
or endeavor to convince him that his dog is 



A BOY AND HIS DOG. 31 

a mongrel, and could by no possibility pos- 
sess the intelligence ascribed to the thor- 
oughbred, pedigree breed, don't do it. You 
may find it act not unlike a boomerang, and 
a judicial mind would indorse "People who 
live in glass houses should never throw 
stones." 

How we vaunt our American type among 
the races of men. Yet, take the average 
American (blue-blood if you will), trace his 
family tree to find his nationality, and I am 
fearful, when you jot down the potpourri of 
countries and breed which go into the com- 
position of your blood and traits of charac- 
ter, the scrub dog will win out on points. 

We, then, must give over our position as 
untenable, that the Americans of this cen- 
tury are the brainiest, strongest and most 
progressive race on earth, by virtue of an 
unmixed stock, or give the mongrel cur 
credit for not being the worse because of his 
combination of breeds. 

I pause at this point, my reader, to say 
the foregoing has no application to you. 
You are known to have but one unalloyed 



32 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

blood flowing in your veins. However, take 
my advice and let the statement go at that. 
Do not meddle with who your forefathers 
were, or where they came from. Attempt 
not to trace your genealogy, or the blue- 
blooded Ego may lose its identity. For 
should you have a notion that a mongrel race 
ought to be wiped off the map, I give you 
fair warning, a Damoclesian sword is sus- 
pended above your head, and by looking up 
your pedigree there is serious danger of the 
hair parting. A word to the wise is suffi- 
cient. Our boy, in his unclouded vision, has 
unbounded confidence in the intelligence, 
courage and faithfulness of his dog, and sees 
no reason why the admixture and crosses 
should lessen his worth. 

The writer has all confidence in the Ameri- 
can stock, and neither does he see how or 
why a blush could be dragged forth, owing 
to the combining of Irish and Scotch, Ger- 
man and French, English and Dutch, or 
any other combination which goes to produce 
the new race of Americans — a race with a 
record unsurpassed in the annals of the 



A BOY AND HIS DOG. 33 

world in all that is great, and hardly equaled 
in anything by which mankind is elevated; 
a race commencing an independent career 
less than four generations ago, to-day has 
recognition as a world power; in years a 
babe; in all that calls for respect in mari- 
time, commercial, intellectual or other circle 
entering into the economy of international 
aff airs, a giant. 

The individual mongrel, as a part of the 
whole of this mixed breed American nation, 
can feel proud of being a member of such 
a commonwealth, and know it is his country, 
which unfurled and upholds the Stars and 
Stripes, an emblem loved at home and known 
and respected by every civilized community 
on the globe. 

We, my reader, are "IT," in large letters, 
and when the eagle sets up a scream and 
stretches his pinions you can see the protege 
of king, queen, czar, emperor and other po- 
tentate "take to the woods." 

A boy who doesn't go 'round whistling, 
with both hands in his pockets, utterly tri- 
fling, leaving confusion in his train of balls, 



34 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

bats, marbles, kite string, tops and toys, al- 
ways losing his knife and whining for an- 
other, will never live long enough to vote. 
The good little boys we read of in Sunday 
school books all died in infancy; at least, 
the author never saw one "alive and kick- 
ing." I cite you Mark Twain's good little 
boy's exit from this mundane sphere as the 
last of his race. 

Trot out the boy who gets into mischief 
with his dog, and who is willing to tackle an- 
other boy a la Fitzsimmons and does it fairly 
— not sneakingly — and I will show you a 
"chip" who will be found ready to meet the 
exigencies of the strenuous life advocated by 
our president. 

On the glorious Fourth the dog, after the 
first gun has been fired, goes in retreat. The 
"phool" boy continues loafing around where 
"bums" are firing the infernal dynamite 
bombs, supported by light artillery of fire- 
crackers, cap pistols, torpedoes and sizzers, 
until he, too, is forced in retreat for repairs 
— to his body, not his soul. God bless his 
pure, innocent little heart. It is larger and 



A BOY AND HIS DOG. 35 

contains more unadulterated goodness and 
love to the square inch than can be estimated 
by those who are older and filled with sin 
and repentance. While the odor of arnica, 
witch hazel and castile soap permeates the 
premises, you study the form of your dar- 
ling as he lies on his uneasy pallet, swathed 
in bandages, and meditate on the import of 
Independence Day, and what a travesty this 
maiming and death-dealing method of cele- 
brating the anniversary of 1776 is. 

What has become of the time-honored 
reading of the constitution, singing of patri- 
otic songs, basket picnics, spread-eagle ora- 
tions from clergy, bench and bar? 

The dog will mope and lament the absence 
of his "pard" on circus day, but the boy can't 
help it. He is drawn in the wake of the ele- 
phant like the children by the charm of the 
Pied Piper of Hamelin. By instinct he can 
scent a circus weeks ahead, and, while he 
does not intend to violate the partnership 
agreement, yet on this day he gives poor 
Carlo a cold shoulder. Don't you remember 
when you were in knee pants, and wore cop- 



36 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

per-toed boots with red tops, how the gilded 
cages were a lodestone, drawing you along 
as steadily as the spotted and dappled horses 
drew the vans? How delicious the screechy 
notes from the calliope sounded to your un- 
trained ear, and how soft and luxurious the 
seats seemed as you drank in the perform- 
ance! You certainly remember the size of 
the spangles — larger than silver dollars then 
— and how the cracked voice of the clown 
filled the tent with notes sweeter than 
Patti's, and how his idiotic antics caused 
yon to howl with glee. Then the actresses 
were all fairies, the acrobats all boneless, 
and the lion-tamer a sure-enough Daniel one 
minute and a Samson the next. Don't you 
remember how you forgot heaven and earth 
in the glitter of gold braid, prancing steeds, 
lively music, flying rings, Japanese equilib- 
rists, performing elephants, trick donkeys, 
high diving, pageant of nations, chariot, Ro- 
man standing, and hurdle races? If you re- 
member these things, it is my excuse for the 
boy forgetting for one day his dog. 



A BOY AND HIS DOG. 37 

Sooner or later our boy will shed briny 
tears over his dead dog, and heavy will be his 
little heart to think of no more romps with 
his woolly friend, no more hitching him up- 
to go-carts, no more chasing sticks, stones 
and the neighbors' chickens, no more com- 
radeship. Do not chide him for giving way 
to grief; rather put your loving' arms around 
the sorrowing little fellow, fold him close to 
your bosom and soothe the wound by reciting 
how you passed through the same shadow at 
his age, aye, even later years found you bend- 
ing over your best coon dog or fox hound, or 
it may have been your cocker, pointer, Gor- 
don setter, or, was it just a friendly old dog 
that had welcomed you home for years? At 
any rate, let memory call up the time when 
your dog lay dead at your feet and how a 
huge lump stuck in your throat, because the 
inanimate pile before you would never again 
respond to your whistle and come barking 
and bounding to meet you, would never 
again wag his tail in joy at the sound of your 
voice, and how for many days afterwards 
there was a feeling of lonesomeness akin to 



38 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

a death in the family in and about the old 
homestead. Of course you will hug your boy 
and try to alleviate this, his first real sorrow. 
Taking everything into consideration, let 
us in the future give the boy honor for 
holding fast to his opinions concerning his 
mongrel and give the dog credit for not being 
valueless for want of a certified pedigree. 
Right here, off goes my hat to the boy and his 
dog. 



Cbirps Concerning tbe 
(Cricket 



'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may 

roam, 
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like 

home. 
— J. Howard Payne : Home, Sweet Home. 



Cbtrps Concerning tbe Cricfeet 

Home is now, ever has been and always 
will be the most precious and most vital 
study in which mankind can indulge. The 
intensity of its significance can not be meas- 
ured by any standard other than the highest 
one reached by home itself; that standard, 
then, furnishing the starting point for 
greater development and grander achieve- 
ments, as a more exalted plane, is ever being 
sought. Its value as the cradle of everything 
God-like and pure grows upon civilized man 
from generation to generation; solidity of 
nations, good citizenship, devout lives and 
his Walhalla itself, find here their birth, — 

"And thus I say there is heaven here 

As well as the world above, 
In a home with beings that we hold dear, 
A home that is blessed by love." 

I am heartily in sympathy with the recrea- 
tion afforded by the commingling of mem- 



42 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

bers of any community. It is right; it is 
necessary; it is essential to bring out the 
best in man; it prevents stagnation and 
keeps the individual from becoming narrow 
and contracted. I do, however, deplore the 
undue proportion of life allotted to clubs, 
pink teas, thimble, high-five, progressive 
euchre and whist parties, which, in their ex- 
cess, are precluding the fireside from its full 
quota of our time. The preference given to 
these things calls forth my protest — not that 
I love society less, but that I love home 
more. All are cognizant that club and so- 
ciety life has invaded, disintegrated and 
sapped the vitality of many homes by taking 
away its mistress, in others its lord, but, 
thank God, the craze has about reached its 
zenith, and common sense, sitting in the sad- 
dle, will direct future movements of these 
fads and keep them in legitimate channels. 
Of course, some poor, deluded members will 
continue to circle around and around, like 
a moth around a candle, sooner or later to 
get singed, fall and die. With impressions 
of this character running through my brain, 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 43 

Chirps Concerning the Cricket leave my pen ; 
hoping vistas other than social functions and 
club meets may find a responsive chord. 

Intellect is ever using animate, inanimate, 
material and immaterial objects and figures 
of speech as mediums for values of compari- 
son or for the purpose of explaining and 
illustrating the theme under consideration. 

Some men — like Mr. Ruskin, for example 
— have the faculty of causing stones to di- 
vulge hidden truths, different forms of ar- 
chitecture to reveal history, and find ser- 
mons and lessons in almost everything with 
which they come in contact. 

In fact, all men, in a measure, continu- 
ously utilize metaphors and various sorts of 
subjects as prefigurations, culling therefrom 
ideas and conceptions of life, to the end that 
the same may be understood in a larger de- 
gree. Every art store has its pictures, me- 
dallions, statuettes and bronzes, emblematic 
of life, and the different types used are le- 
gion. So, in a symbolic sense, I use the 
cricket as a factor in the home. 



44 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

The merry note of a cricket on the warm 
hearth as productive of domestic tranquil- 
lity, a harbinger of happiness, a breeder of 
contentment, and a precursor of good luck, 
also, as a foe to evil thought and discord, has 
been told in song and story from "time 
whereof the memory of man runneth not to 
the contrary." 

The time was when these beautiful attri- 
butes of this hearthstone minstrel were im- 
plicitly believed in and nurtured by many 
as veritable facts. We, however, have in our 
day and generation grown so wise (in our 
own conceit) that we scorn and scout all 
such, asserting, in our superior wisdom ( ? ) , 
that they should be relegated to the kinder- 
garten branch of society as fairy tales, to be 
related only by superstitious old women to 
very young children, not being of sufficient 
moment to attract the attention of the sages 
now occupying the earth and the fullness 
thereof. 

Yet, strange to say, with all our skepti- 
cism, the chirping and fiddling of these fire- 
side penates do not displease us, neither do 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 45 

they jar upon our nerves ; rather do we feel, 
when distressed and weary, a soothing solace 
and sympathy steal over us, bringing com- 
fort, while memories of pleasant by-gone 
days arise, phoenix-like, demonstrating that 
the good still appeals to our better nature. 
The inevitable result being to relieve the 
weary mind and sustain the sinking heart 
from the cares and worries of the hour. 
Wherefore, I opine the old women had some 
truth inculcated in their version concerning 
this violinist. 

One who reads "The Cricket on the 
Hearth," by Mr. Dickens, closes the book 
with a fellow feeling for all mankind, tinc- 
tured with admiration and respect for the 
tiny coal-black fiddler who could use his mu- 
sical talent to such excellent purpose in 
bringing perfect harmony, saturated with 
love, into the lives of all who heard and 
heeded his sonatas, harmonics, oratorios and 
anthems. 

To-day, in the homes of the German peas- 
ant and English farmer, Mr. Cricket has full 
sway, and is a privileged individual, with 



46 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

the inherent prerogative to manipulate the 
home according to his own views on the sub- 
ject, and his success in that line has yet 
to be questioned. This sketch does not con- 
tend that we should literally follow the pre- 
cedent set by either Germany or England; 
still, in a figurative light, the cricket may 
be made "cock of the walk" to our advan- 
tage if we generously apply the lesson these 
countries teach. 

By taking one of these little musicians into 
our lives we can experience all and more 
than he stands for in the legends of old, and 
many spectres will — unlike Banquo's ghost 
— down at our bidding. The assertion is 
here made, if we desire or expect to amount 
to a "Billy-be-continental" in the world, we 
need a great, fat, jolly cricket. 

The lovely characteristics which the 
cricket typifies, in the stories told us in our 
callow days, can be materialized and made 
manifest if we will it. The ingredients are 
an inheritance from the Ruler of the Uni- 
verse, and every household has in its power 
the ability to compound a first-class pedi- 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 47 

greed specimen as follows : Take of each one 
part, to wit : love, cheerful disposition, kind 
words, pleasant faces, consideration for oth- 
ers; thoroughly triturate, dilute with pa- 
tience, wrap in a cover of charity, and you 
have a cricket which is the open sesame to 
happiness ; you will have the kernel, the old 
woman who told the legend, the shell; you 
hold the substance, she the shadow. Thus 
can the myth be verified and the cricket made 
a living reality and home be found more de- 
sirable and attractive than any other resort. 

Burns wrote, "Man was made to mourn/' 
and Job said, "Man is born unto trouble as 
the sparks fly upward." Both statements are 
probably correct. For every ailment there 
is, however, a remedy. We have evolved out 
of ourselves a panacea in the manufacture 
of our thoroughbred cricket, and so long as 
we do not stint or starve him, he will be 
lively, cheerful and helpful, causing the rays 
of God's smile to be with us just exactly 
twenty-four hours each day. 

The cricket has always been installed at 
the fireside, in the family, and thus it should 



48 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

be, because, as before stated, from the home 
every quality of worth emanates; from that 
center radiations for weal are sent through- 
out the universe. 

Reputation is what people say concerning 
us; character is what we really are. A 
cricket snugly ensconced in your home as- 
sists in building character, and one of the 
most elevated kind, a type suggesting the 
perfect man, and will cause you to appreciate 
3 r our duty to God ; duty to your fellow-man ; 
duty to family and duty to self. In the do- 
mestic circle he can be, and is, of the greatest 
service; here his friendship is most potent; 
therefore, when you get one to take up his 
habitation with you, give him a carte blanche 
— let him have the premises unhampered by 
any whims you may have of how things 
should be run. 

Having done so, listen ; you can hear him 
merrily singing and fiddling to cheer you up 
"when down in the mouth" — when the way 
seems dark and all things gone awry. With 
his fairy-like ditties he calls to mind brighter 
moments, drives away gloomy phantoms; 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 49 

you shake off your forebodings and look out 
into the limitless future with strength to con- 
template the morrow. At such periods this 
little friend and gentleman, with his siren 
notes, comes to the rescue like the life boat 
to the struggling mariner, wafting us to a 
haven of rest, safety and peace. 

When you go home fatigued, sore and de- 
pressed, ere you pull the latch string hearken 
to your cricket, follow closely his teachings, 
and with his advice ringing in your ears, 
open the door; greet your wife with a kind 
word, a pleasant countenance ; extend to her 
your hand as you did when you plighted your 
troth, — she deserves it more now than then. 
Your life's partner can get tired, broken 
down and nervous, as well as you. Remem- 
ber, she has her aggravations, trials, disap- 
pointments and cares as well as you. And 
forget not that she is confined to the narrow 
limits of a few square feet, cut off by her 
duties from the great throbbing outside, 
while you, on the other hand, are out in the 
busy whirl of the world, brushing against all 
conditions of society, with a thousand and 



50 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

one incidents to break the monotony and 
change the current of your thought. Be 
ready to discuss her petty annoyances, as 
though you had an interest in her existence ; 
call up, if you wish, the hard day you have 
passed, but say something to let her know 
her day's anxieties are appreciated, thereby 
knitting a bond of sympathy between you. 
Do not growl about every trifle ; treat her as 
you did when she was your sweetheart. In- 
deed, she has a right to such treatment. Say 
a word of cheer to each member of your fam- 
ily; if you are naturally a Mr. Hyde down 
town, at least be a Dr. Jekyll at home; act 
toward them as though they had a place in 
your affections, and if you are not repaid ten- 
fold for every effort to be pleasing, agreeable 
and considerate, the whole plan for the re- 
demption of the human race is a failure. 

Often we sing, "Be it ever so humble, there 
is no place like home." True ; but permit me 
to tell you, be it ever so magnificent, without 
our brand of cricket, you have no home. The 
place where you eat and sleep and to which 
you go when you have no place else to go, 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 51 

has no more resemblance to the thought con- 
veyed in that song than the tepee of the In- 
dian or the tents of the wandering tribes of 
Israel. 

Home, in its larger meaning, is made so 
by reciprocity of interest in each other, as 
prompted by your cricket ; it is not one affa- 
ble outburst, one strenuous endeavor to be 
agreeable now and then; it is the constant, 
accumulating aggregate of amenities which 
produce the ideal home and leaves the im- 
print of nobility. 

This is as surely true, as it is, that the 
drop after drop of water will eventually 
wear away a block of adamant. 

Give ear! Our cricket is performing his 
share of the work, and is as happy as a clam 
on the beach. Your family is somewhat sur- 
prised at the change in your manner, but 
brother, notice how the light comes to your 
wife's eye ; how her face brightens, yea, even 
the wrinkles relax their grip; say! you are 
playing a winning hand and nothing on earth 
can prevent your dwelling place becoming a 
home, and all the term implies; do you not 



52 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

see the lamp emits a clearer ray, supper 
tastes better, the air seems purer, and, to cap 
it all, you have made your wife happier than 
she has been since the day you led her to 
the altar ; indeed, both of you feel very near 
to each other ; you feel blithe and young, and 
behold the dawn of halcyon days. The smile 
you see flitting around the mouth and lips 
which you once so fervently kissed in auld 
lang syne, now tempt you to revert once again 
to that delight. Great Scott! your cricket 
caught you, and is so overjoyed he is yelling 
his roundelay at the top of his lungs, and 
skipping around the room with a vigor that 
would shame the performances of an East 
India snake dancer. 

During his hilarious actions, you and 
yours have entered into a new existence ; the 
vexations of the day are forgotten, your mind 
is unclouded, and you see life is not as som- 
bre and dreary as you surmised. Thanks to 
your cricket, the silver lining is brilliant, 
and the bow of promise sends scintillating 
to-morrows revealing many gems in store for 
you and yours. It is not difficult for you to 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 53 

realize that you have found the elixir of life 
in this cricket you have housed ; undoubtedly 
he is a wizard and has finally gotten you on 
the main line — a smooth track, right of way, 
with your hand on the throttle and a full 
head of steam ; now pull her wide open and 
"bon voyage to Arcadia." 

We are, taken as a whole, a blessed lot in 
not having been born with a silver spoon in 
our mouth, by reason of which circumstance, 
in the language of the street gamin, we are 
forced to "get a hustle on ourselves" to make 
both ends meet. In this exertion we are dou- 
bly fortunate, owing to the fund of informa- 
tion we gather, the broader experiences we 
have, the grander conceptions of life, and the 
richer view we secure into the great beyond 
by virtue of this contact with our fellow-man 
in his struggles. Our lives become softened, 
and, intuitively, we cling closer to the teach- 
ings of the Lowly Nazarene, who is, after all 
is said and done, the Author of our cricket, 
which is the blood of the marriage covenant 
on door post and lintel — the angel of death 



54 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

to domestic bliss will as surely Pass-over, as 
in the days of Moses and Pharaoh. 

The pessimist and misanthrope will glibly 
inform you that all herein printed is fol-de- 
rol, a jargon of words, a confused and per- 
verted notion, emanating from a diseased 
mind; that the conditions attempted to be 
portrayed in these pages never did and never 
can exist. Reader, such a home can and will 
exist, if you rear its superstructure upon 
the foundation intimated in the potentiality 
of a cricket ; when you do this, its apex will 
be above the clouds of business worries, 
financial losses and discontent; you will no 
longer be like a ship at sea without a rudder, 
cast hither and thither by the storms of ad- 
versity, but will have a port in which to sail 
your barque of life, a refuge sure and stead- 
fast — a foretaste of paradise; and, further, 
all mankind with whom you associate and 
mingle will be a debtor for the existence of a 
sprightly, cheerful cricket on your hearth. 

What a glorious legacy for posterity if 
every man could say, without a blush, I have 



CHIRPS CONCERNING THE CRICKET. 55 

a cricket so big, jolly, fat, sleek and lazy he 
does nothing but lounge around basking in 
the light of a happy home and fiddles without 
cessation. 



Dalue of Boohs atu> IReabfng 



"Books should to one of these four ends con- 
duce, 
For wisdom, piety, delight, or use" 

— Denham: Of Prudence. 



IDalue of Boofes anfc IReaMna 

The artist Millet painted the figure of a 
man leaning on a hoe handle, lower jaw 
drooped, retreating forehead, eyes and coun- 
tenance wanting the spark of intellectuality ; 
the whole general effect of the painting con- 
veying the impression of a human being but 
one remove from the brute creation. 

Mr. Markham, upon seeing this picture, 
wrote his poem, "The Man With the Hoe," 
in which he says, among other things : 

"Bowed by the weight of centuries, he leans 
Upon his hoe and gazes on the ground, 
The emptiness of ages in his face, 
And on his back the burden of the world." 

The painting is supposed to represent a 
type of French peasants. The poem is in- 
tended to portray a class as existing in all 
parts of the world, and Mr. Markham goes 
on to ask : 



60 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

"Who made him dead to rapture and de- 
spair, 

A thing that grieves not, and that never 
hopes, 

Stolid and stunned, a brother to the ox?" 

holding society responsible for this man's 
depravity. 

Forsooth, the painting and poem may be 
founded on fact, but neither would have been 
born had the units of mankind taken advan- 
tage of the product of Gutenberg's invention 
— the printing press. 

Herr Gutenberg was not only one of the 
benefactors of humanity, but stands pre- 
eminently the greatest the world has pro- 
duced since Christ ascended Mount Calvary. 
His invention made it possible for every man 
who reads to annihilate distance, regulate 
the wheels of time and call up for compan- 
ions those in whose society he desires to be. 

He who reads much, enjoys varied and 
thrilling experiences, becomes an up-to-date 
globe trotter, flitting o'er land and sea, wit- 
nessing remarkable events ; journeys among 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 61 

heavenly bodies beholding wondrous things ; 
examines the craters of the moon's extinct 
volcanoes, christens her mountains and takes 
their altitude; names the seas on Mars, and 
is now interested in solving the query of 
whether or not Mars is trying to signal our 
own planet; passes judgment on the belts of 
Jupiter, counts his satellites and scrutinizes 
the rings of Saturn, takes a general invoice 
of the planetary system, and, after listening 
to the music of the spheres, in the twinkle 
of an eye, pulls forth a work on geology and 
mineralogy, goes delving deep in mother 
earth, separates the different strata, fur- 
nishes evidence as to the age of each forma- 
tion, classifies the fossils and flora of the 
antediluvian world, and ante-dates the dawn 
of the human race. Verily, all things minis- 
ter to him ; he is equipped with an abundant 
store of knowledge and secures a marvelous 
insight into things terrestrial and things ce- 
lestial. No Ultima Thule enters into his cal- 
culations, and wisdom ought to follow in its 
wake. If it does not, it is no fault of Guten- 
berg's legacy. The printing press is turn- 



62 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

ing out works of history, biography, science, 
fiction and poetry at prices within the reach 
of everyone, and places at their disposal the 
best literature of all ages. Too, hardly a 
village can be found wherein does not exist 
either a free or circulating library, leaving 
no excuse for anybody to remain in igno- 
rance and darkness. 

It is a privilege, yea, more, it is the duty 
of everyone to read and post himself or her- 
self on past and current happenings, and 
absorb information from those who have de- 
voted the energies of their lives preparing a 
ripe harvest, that we might reap. 

The Achilles heel of the masses is a non- 
desire to read. 

Literature, in its largest sense, is as broad 
as human thought is diversified, and as deep 
as the ingenuity of the immortal mind in its 
ramifications in search of truth. 

The field is too extensive to more than scan 
a fractional part, albeit that fraction will 
open great mines of wealth. 

It has been said, "Beware of the man of 
one book," upon the theory that he has thor- 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 63 

oughly mastered his subject, and will be too 
much for you in argument. I also say, "Be- 
ware of the man of one book," but upon the 
basis that he will bore you to death ; he will 
have but one hobby, and will be found a 
general nuisance to have around. I respect- 
fully suggest that your reading be cosmo- 
politan ; browse over all territories and cull 
from all sources; even though you may not 
be an authority on any specific subject, yet, 
you will be in possession of a vast fund of 
facts and interesting incidents. "Be all 
things to all men," and you will get more 
from your investigation than the bookworm 
who bores into but one tome, never knowing 
the color or taste of other paper. 

The best and most satisfactory plan is to 
own your own books ; secure one at a time if 
you can do no more, then add to your collec- 
tion as you can afford it, and soon you will 
find a respectable sized library at your serv- 
ice. Being your own, every volume will be 
a friend and comrade, by virtue of personal 
ownership, of greater value and always at 
hand for immediate consultation. Thus you 



64 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

acquire for your edification and entertain- 
ment some of the brightest intellects of all 
periods, ready to hold converse with you 
in the quiet of your home, upon any theme 
then uppermost in your mind. 

The man who possesses books and takes 
an interest in them, need never have the 
"dumps;" never be under the baleful influ- 
ence of ennui and never be without pleasant 
associates. 

He can survey every phase of society, talk 
with men from all walks in life, have pass in 
review all people, countries and phenomena. 
He can travel over the eastern hemisphere 
with Herodotus centuries before the Chris- 
tian era, read a queer detailed statement con- 
cerning a race of pigmies in Africa, after? 
wards consult Mr. Stanley and find that he 
too saAV the descendants of this same race of 
lilliputians ; can go on through the "dark 
continent" with him in search of that noble 
missionary, Dr. Livingstone; beat the brush 
for wild game, take note of the various bar- 
barous tribes, and, getting acquainted with 
the deserts, lakes, rivers and dense forests, 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 65 

can decide to stalk deer, encounter lions and 
tigers, dig pits and adjust deadfalls for the 
elephant, hippopotamus and rhinoceros with 
Mungo Park or Paul du Chaillu, can eat and 
sleep with Kaffir, Hottentot and Zulu ; with 
no hiatus in action, he may jump from the 
tropical sun and burning sands of the Sa- 
hara to the icebergs of the polar seas and be 
with Sir John Franklin, Kane, Peary and 
Nansen, be entranced with the magnificence 
of the northern lights, go rattling over the 
snow and ice behind a team of Esquimaux 
dogs, catch seals, kill walruses, spear fish, 
harpoon whales, freeze blubber, and, as a side 
issue, tackle a polar bear. Like Peter Schle- 
mihl or Frankenstein's monster, be found 
anywhere, everywhere. He can return from 
battling with hunger, cold and hardships of 
the frigid zone to pick up an account of how 
Napoleon flashed across the political firma- 
ment of Europe, see him overthrow and re- 
instate rulers, topple thrones, make and un- 
make kingdoms and principalities, hear him 
give commands at Marengo, Austerlitz, Ar- 
eola and Lodi, join in his retreat from 



66 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Kussia, stand on an eminence overlook- 
ing Waterloo, and see go down under the 
terrible war god, Mars, one of the most 
illustrious generals ever projected on the 
historical canvas of the world; follow 
him to St. Helena, and, while the Oor- 
sican sits in dejection on the solitary rock, 
hear Lord Byron tuning his harp to 

" 'Tis done — but yesterday a king ! 

And arm'd with kings to strive — 

And now thou art a nameless thing, 

So abject — yet alive! 

Is this the man of thousand thrones? 

Who strew'd our earth with hostile bones? 

And can he thus survive? 
********* 

The desolater desolate, the victor over- 
thrown ; 

The arbiter of others' fate a suppliant for 
his own" — 

and ere the sound dies away find Byron him- 
self, forsaken by wife and child, pleading in 
anguish his personal affliction in plaintive 
notes of 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 67 

"Though my many faults defaced me, 

Could no other arm be found 
Than the one which once embraced me, 

To inflict a cureless wound? 
********* 

And when thou wouldst solace gather, 
When our child's first accents flow, 

Wilt thou teach her to say 'Father!' 
Though his care she must forego? 

Fare thee well ! — thus disunited, 

Torn from every nearer tie, 
Sear'd in heart, and lone, and blighted — 

More than this, I scarce can die." 

He who reads can take the hand of Mr. 
Bancroft, follow the development of our own 
United States of America, listen to Mr. Irv- 
ing relate the life story of Columbus and 
Washington and the part they played in 
American history ; junket with the same au- 
thor through the West and Northwest while 
the Indian, buffalo and trapper were still in 
their heyday, which is told in his inimitable 
style; call to his aid Mr. Cooper, with his 



68 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

"Leather Stocking Tales," and compare the 
early life of the East with that of the West ; 
go down to Mexico with Prescott and follow 
him on to Peru, note the Spaniards' perfidy 
with Montezuma under Cortez and villainy 
with the Incas under Pizarro, they being the 
advance guard of the set of cut-throats and 
scoundrels we so recently drove out of Cuba 
and Porto Rico; can swim the Hellespont 
with Leander, pontoon it with Xerxes, and 
swim it again with Byron. 

"This books can do; nor this alone; they 

give 
New views to life, and teach us how to live ; 
They soothe the grieved, the stubborn they 

chastise, 
Pools they admonish, and confirm the 

wise." 

Books furnish the medium for self cul- 
ture. You rest while these Volapuk tongues 
pour into your ears the history of the rise 
and fall of governments and empires; man- 
ners and customs of all races; nature and 
habits of the animal kingdom; the dreams, 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 69 

ambitions and accomplishments of man. The 
earth and sea give up their treasures, and 
you do not even have to rub a lamp calling 
up a genii, but are transferred bj a simple 
wish to the fort at Taku, to observe that het- 
erogeneous army marching on to Pekin and 
have your eyes gladdened by the sight of 
the Stars and Stripes being the first flag 
unfurled above the "Forbidden City," fur- 
nishing its protection to the besieged. Pres- 
to! the next instant you are in South Af- 
rica, traversing the veldts, with an eye on 
the struggle for supremacy between Eng- 
lish and Boer; the towns, kopjes, karroos, 
bull teams and people are familiar to you, 
owing to a visit you made to "An African 
Farm" with Olive Schreiner in the Trans- 
vaal some years ago; hence you appreciate 
the situation more than if you had been a 
total stranger to the Dutch and their en- 
vironments. 

Never weary in well doing ; that is to say, 
in broadening your area of observation, en- 
larging your mental calibre and storing 
your mind with food upon which to feed 



70 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

when you fall in the "sear and yellow leaf." 
If you provide now, for that day, as you 
should, there will be found no vacuity in 
your countenance and no sparkle be want- 
ing in your eye; neither will drivel issue 
from your mouth. Instead, you will have 
sifted the chaff and have its result in knowl- 
edge — if not in wisdom — upon which to sus- 
tain yourself and help those who are in need 
of assistance along the rugged road of life. 
As before stated, never weary in well doing, 
to wit : acquiring knowledge. You leave the 
vicissitudes of war in South Africa to step 
in the jungles of India with Mr. Kipling 
and make the acquaintance of Mowgli's 
brothers ; leave to arrive in Old London and 
examine into her almshouses, reformatories, 
debtors' prisons, home life of her citizens, 
with Mr. Dickens. Again having taken 
flight, you rest on the shores of New Eng- 
land and study the characteristics of people 
who will brand a poor, defenseless and mis- 
guided woman with a letter of scarlet hue 
so bright that all who run may read her 
shame; then step down to the Alamo, to be 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 71 

horrified with the death struggle of that 
brave little band of Texans against the Mex- 
ican hordes led by Santa Anna, finding when 
the smoke clears away the bodies of such 
gallant men as Crockett and Bowie lying- 
pierced through and through. 

To get away from this scene of carnage 
and awful realities, you have "pressed the 
button," and Spencer, Huxley, Darwin, 
Kant and Haeckel stand before you and 
glibly proceed to tell what they DON'T 
know about soul, life, immortality and God ; 
of where you sprung from and where you 
are bound for. These "ducks" are a tire- 
some lot to tolerate, not only on account 
of the words they coin as they proceed, but 
because, just as they are about to shout 
"Eureka," you hear it is "unknowable," 
"unthinkable," "psychic substance" or some 
other gibberish which knocks into a "cocked 
hat" all your respect for the whole "kit." 
Compensation can be found, however, in 
the "Ploughman Poet," Burns, with his 
"Tarn O'Shanter," "Cotter's Saturday 
Night," "Highland Mary," and songs of 



72 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

human conception, human desires and hu- 
man needs. Edgar Allan Poe will tell you 
how that infernal Raven annoyed him tap- 
ping at his chamber door, croaking "Never — 
nevermore," until you turn to Goldsmith's 
"Vicar of Wakefield" to steady your nerves. 
You can, with the same ease, have Holmes, 
Longfellow, Bryant, Tennyson, Pope and 
Moore furnish you with lyrics of love, hero- 
ism and ethereal fantasies on their way up 
Parnassus. Emerson, Ruskin, Macaulay and 
DeQuincey will satiate you with polished es- 
says. For biography, ask Plutarch to open 
his storehouse, and you will be regaled. Do 
you want ghost, fairy and goblin tales? Sit 
down with St. Clair, Grimm Brothers, Hans 
Andersen, Herder, Hauff, Andrew Lang and 
the Arabian Nights, never overlooking Fou- 
que's lovely Undine. Do you crave to hear 
of the days of chivalry? Pull Scott's "Ivan- 
hoe," "Kenilworth" and "Talisman" from 
the shelf. For a satire, have Cervantes bring 
in Don Quixote and his Squire Sancho 
Panza. Should your appetite call for psy- 
chology in the concrete, use the minds of 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 73 

"Jean Valjean" and "Hamlet." A wish to 
know how detectives run criminals to earth 
will be answered by A. Conan Doyle, Emile 
Gaboriau and Vidocq. 

I have barely pricked the surface here 
and there, and, should I pursue it for hours, 
the ground would hardly be roughened, as 
there is absolutely no limit to the possibili- 
ties of where you can go, what you can see, 
hear and accomplish, if you will read. Suf- 
fice it to say, to meet the demands made 
upon you, you must read early, much and 
often. The man who reads can bathe in 
the caliph's bath of Bagdad or paddle in 
the wadies of India; stand with one foot 
north and one south of the equator and, like 
the Count of Monte Cristo, proclaim "the 
world is mine;" can learn to "yank" light- 
ning from the skies, and precious metals 
and gems from the earth; can circle the 
globe, peep into the manners, customs, leg- 
ends and truths of every nation and people ; 
can mould magic bullets in the Black For- 
est of Germany and see the Spectre of the 
Brocken in the Hartz mountains; roll ten- 



74 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

pins in the Kaatskills with Kip Van Win- 
kle; bivouac with Grant, Sherman, Jackson 
and Lee, and be present when the South 
surrendered at Appomattox; can rummage 
among the ruins of Pompeii and Hercula- 
neum — doubly interesting since Mont Pelee 
duplicated Vesuvius; hear the Eoman Cic- 
ero and Athenian Demosthenes in flights of 
oratory, the harangue of Brutus over the 
slain Csesar, the political speeches of Clay, 
Webster, Hayne and Patrick Henry of this 
republic and Mr. Pitt in the English 
House of Commons on behalf of America; 
witness the gladiatorial contests in the 
arena of the Koman amphitheatre; experi- 
ence the horror of Custer and his men when 
surrounded by the "redskins;" investigate 
the Egyptian, Roman and Parisian cata- 
combs, and enjoy the solitude of the Kan- 
sas farmer; laugh with Mr. Dunne's Doo- 
ley and Hennessy, Mark Twain and Josh 
Billings; watch the Patagonians throw the 
bolo with unerring precision ; travel the old 
Santa Fe trail with Inman, and Oregon trail 
with Parkman ; build blockhouses and fight 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 75 

Indians with Boone and Kenton; behold 
the guillotine in active operation while 
Madame Defarge "knits up her thoughts;" 
see Charlotte Corday enter the apartments 
of Marat and stab the fiend while in his 
bath ; have your blood run cold at the Bar- 
tholomew massacre; go lumbering along on 
the backs of camels with dervishes and 
sheiks; buffet with Vanderdecken on his 
phantom ship, glide 20,000 leagues under 
the sea with Verne or enter the submarine 
boat with IJolland; climb the Matterhorn 
with Whymper or draw lessons from the 
Slades of the tavern called the Sickle and 
Sheaf; girdle the earth with Bichardson or 
blaze your way through the primeval for- 
est with the pioneers ; study natural history 
with Buffon, Wood and Buel, astronomy 
with Herschel and Lockyer; witness the 
trials, sufferings and torture of the martyrs 
with Fox; hold intellectual banquets with 
Virgil, Aristotle, Homer, Plato and Socra- 
tes; penetrate the mystery of the man in 
the iron mask with Dumas, or wander 
around the streets, boulevards, alleys and 



76 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

by-ways of Paris with Hugo; live on the 
island Juan Fernandez four years with Sel- 
kirk, afterwards known to the world as 
Robinson Crusoe; ride on white elephants 
in Siam; watch the bushmen of Australia 
speed the boomerang, bringing down a kan- 
garoo nine times out of ten ; hear Dick Tur- 
pin and Claude Duval cry "stand and de- 
liver," on the king's highway, and see the 
race made by "Bonnie Black Bess" to enable 
her owner to prove an alibi ; enter Sherwood 
Forest with Eobin Hood and his merry men 
and be a witness to the compact between 
Richard Cceur De Leon and brave Robin ; 
join with the pirates of Treasure Island, 
singing 

"Fifteen men on the dead man's chest — 
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum !" 

then look back to Marathon to find the vic- 
tory won by Miltiades turning the tide in 
favor of civilization, saving unto us the in- 
tellectual treasures of Athens, which made 
possible a Shakespeare. 



VALUE OF BOOKS AND READING. 77 

"O books, ye monuments of mind, con- 
crete wisdom of the wisest; sweet solaces 
of daily life; proofs and results of immor- 
tality; trees yielding all fruit, whose leaves 
are for the healing of the nations; groves 
of knowledge, where all may eat, nor fear 
a flaming sword; gentle comrades, kind ad- 
visers; friends, comforts, treasures, helps; 
governments, diversities of tongues, who can 
weigh your worth !" 

No wonder the Psalmist asked Jehovah, 
"What is man that Thou are mindful of 
him, or the son of man that Thou visitest 
him?" He knew nothing about what books 
could do ; nothing about the printing press. 
But God did — knew they were coming, and 
in due time raised up Herr Gutenberg, giv- 
ing man the opportunity to realize that no 
bounds held him this side the grave, nay, not 
even death, if he will read the Book of books, 
the BIBLE ; keep it ever near him for coun- 
sel, and follow well its teachings. Then the 
grim reaper can no more hold you in thral- 
dom than I can create the vital spark of 
life. 



78 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Referring to the opening statement con- 
cerning the painting and poem, I desire to 
close with the remark that the idea of a 
man who utilizes his spare moments read- 
ing ever being such a one as depicted on 
the canvas and presented in the poem enti- 
tled "The Man with the Hoe" is impossible. 



H ^Thanksgiving H)a\> 
IReverie 



'How dear to this heart are the scenes of my 

childhood, 
When fond recollection presents them to 

view." 
— Woodworth: The Old Oaken Bucket. 



H GbanfeSGtvtng lE>a$ IReverte 

Sitting in my library, after a regulation 
Thanksgiving dinner had been stowed under 
my belt, "too sluggish to move and too full 
for utterance," musing on other days, the 
old home arose in retrospection, and without 
compass, rule or protractor, I platted in the 
glowing bed of anthracite before me the 
boundaries of old Highland ; that being the 
sub-division of the "Buckeye" state which 
nurtured me in days gone by. Days when 
life was one continual series of delights and 
pleasing incidents; days when youth, 
strength and the agility of the athlete were 
mine — glorious days! yet I can not say the 
happiest period of my life, because in the so- 
ciety of the domestic circle at this moment 
surrounding me, I experience the acme of 
human contentment. Nevertheless, they 



Note— November, 1901. This sketch is local to Highland 
county, Ohio, Hillsboro being the county seat. 



82 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

were days bringing forth, here in the shadow 
of the Rocky Mountains, fond recollections 
in every respect. 

My ruddy draught etched in the bed of live 
coals produced a mosaic of woods, hills, 
chasms and valleys, with an inner setting of 
farms, supplemented with irregular fields, 
these smaller gems separated tho' still held 
intact by a net- work of board, wire and rail 
fences, the whole being interlaced and con- 
nected by a net of free turnpikes radiating 
from the county seat like the silken skein 
of a spider's web, to which was added an em- 
broidery of the silver streams of Rattle- 
snake, Hardins and Fall creeks in the upper 
right-hand corner, with Rocky Fork, Clear 
and Paint creeks occupying the east and 
southeast, and by Dodson, Turtle and White 
Oak with its tributaries embellishing the 
left or west, the ensemble presenting a tra- 
cery of exquisite beauty. 

Gazing in the fluctuating glow, I discern 
in that bright lump forming the apex of my 
fire, the old court house dome sending its 
glint into space, and in those flashing specks 



A THANKSGIVING DAY REVERIE. 83 

domestic pigeons fluttering around its flag- 
staff ; now they march in Indian file around 
its base, now on the wing again, now strut, 
now nestle on the cornice supported by six 
huge Corinthian columns, cooing to their 
mates, while the familiar faces of judge, jury- 
men and members of the bar make their ap- 
pearance at the door, after the close of a 
hotly-contested legal battle. 

Reverie, reverie, thou art a benediction ; 
in the glamour of thy searchlight the cordu- 
roy roads of the past assume the smooth- 
ness of asphalt pavements; the jolts, bumps 
and jars of life are seen to have been the 
means to an end, and all the seamy phases 
of the days gone, hide from view — ashamed 
to show their ugly features. 

Again I see my wigwam, constructed of 
iron weeds, while I scout around among the 
bushes, with bow and arrow, trailing an 
imaginary pale face. Again I hear the click 
of quoit against quoit as we boys strive for a 
"ringer" or "leaner." Again playing mar- 
bles for "knucks" or "keeps" (the latter 
game, generally) . 



84 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

And in the words of Hood, "I remember, 
I remember" how I alternated my Bible 
reading with "Crack Skull Bob," "Pilgrim's 
Progress" with "Jack Harkaway Among the 
Brigands," and "Lord Chesterfield's Letters 
to His Son" with "Don Quixote" or "Gil 
Bias." Once more I am a "printer's devil in 
the Gazette office, all swelled up with my 
importance as I sit (too short to stand and 
reach the type) at a case of brevier and fill 
"stick" after "stick" of copy, only to return 
to the million delectable duties of my office 
with tail feathers at half mast, when a proof- 
sheet from my galley showed a conglomerate 
worse than "pie." 

In the auld lang syne, now like a pan- 
orama unfolding, the moving pictures show 
the writer of twenty-five years ago tramping 
o'er hill and dale accoutred with a twelve- 
bore, double-barrel, muzzle-loading shot gun, 
powder flask and shot pouch in his courtship 
of Diana, accompanied by his faithful, in- 
telligent Irish setter dog "Sport," who, at 
wave of hand, ranged the field from quarter 
to quarter until the covey was scented, and 



A THANKSGIVING DAY REVERIE. 85 

then became as rigid as marble — a statue 
worthy the chisel of a Michael Angel o or 
the brush of a Kosa Bonheur. To the glory 
of old Highland let it be recorded, rare was 
the day of love making to the above-named 
goddess, when the capacious hunting-coat 
pockets were not well filled. President Roose- 
velt never felt the intoxication of a week off 
with old Mike Dunn (peace to his ashes) in 
southern Ohio, for had he once partaken of 
field sports with him as comrade, he would 
never have come to Colorado to find recrea- 
tion with dog and gun. 

My turkey, cranberry sauce, mince pie and 
"fixin's" do not digest as easily as in those 
days, and even with this handicap to keep 
me awake, yet concentration of mind on my 
map or plat, assisted by the heat arising from 
its material, caused me to fall asleep, or, in 
up-to-date parlance, lulled me into a hyp- 
notic state, germane to many indulged in on 
hot afternoons when wrestling with Black- 
stone's Commentaries, struggling to master 
the rule in Shelley's case, analyzing the in- 
tricacies of evidence with Greenleaf or draw- 



86 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

ing a plea, declaration, replication, rejoin- 
der, sur-re joinder, rebutter or sur-rebutter — 
for a moot court — under the instructions 
laid down by Stephens. 

The scene shifted and season changed. 
Prom the whirr of quail and wood grouse in 
stubble and thicket, crack of gun and retriev- 
ing of "Sport," I am below Bisher's dam or 
following the meanderings of Kocky Fork or 
Brush creek with rod and line, offering the 
finny tribe an elegant chub minnow. 

The spring time glides into summer and 
"blue hole," of Moberly's branch (my ear- 
liest recollection of a swimming pool), fades 
like a dissolving view of a stereopticon, to 
be replaced with another and more commodi- 
ous one just above the old saw mill on the 
Belfast pike, about two and one-half miles 
southeast of the "Model Town," then 'mid 
changing scenes, autumn and winter blend, 
finding the undersigned on the pond back of 
Boyd's flouring mill cutting "flub-dubs" with 
the keen edge of Barney & Berry ice kings, 
but just at this stage, while skimming over 
the crystal ice, my continuity of memories 



A THANKSGIVING DAY REVERIE. 87 

was interrupted owing to my turkey and 
"trimmin's" asserting their superiority over 
my digestive organs ; seasons and sports got 
jumbled up like the bits of broken glass in a 
kaleidoscope, causing bob-sleds to speed' 
down Beech street hill with the velocity of 
the Empire express, the hum of roller skat- 
ing rinks, gymnasium gyration, "assembly" 
dances, lovely girls, trick bicycling, buzz of 
scroll saws, school day companions, base 
ball, shinney, the clang ! clang ! clang ! of the 
old fire bell, and running with the fire engine 
led by the old wheel horse of volunteer fire- 
men, John Keckley, and the de'il only knows 
what, to Hit through my brain, when finally 
the cells exhausted with the rapidity of 
movement quieted down and found rest in 
the old homestead on East South street in 
the village of Hillsboro, within whose walls 
I learned all that has been beneficial to me 
in life, and from whose portals I brought to 
the "Centennial State," fourteen years ago, 
memories of a delicious boyhood, happy 
youth and grateful manhood. 



XTbe ^farmer 



"Let them be hewers of wood and 
drawers of water unto all the congre- 
gation/' 

— Joshua, chap, ix, v. 21. 



Zhc farmer 

In a previous sketch I dissertated on 
Rural vs. City Life, in which eulogy was 
sprinkled with a wanton extravagance con- 
cerning the happy, peaceful, contented life 
and ideal environments of the average rus- 
tic. While much therein contained looks 
pleasing on canvas, reads well in type and in 
a measure true, yet truth is a relative term 
and largely dependent upon the point of ob- 
servation; that is, what is truth from one 
vantage ground may not be so from another 
— paradox, because both may be true from 
the position occupied and still not harmo- 
nize. 

In the foregoing mentioned sketch I gazed 
so intently upon the reverse side of country 
life as to leave a flavor of Munchausenism. 
To ease my conscience and place myself on 
record as being fair to both sides, I will now 
endeavor to avoid all suspicion of being re- 
lated to Ananias and make amends by dis- 



92 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

closing the face or obverse side, having 
shifted my view point. You are then to con- 
strue the articles in pari materia, and render 
judgment as to where truth is found (if in 
either ! ) . 

The Lord God, in the Garden of Eden, said 
unto Adam, "Cursed is the ground for thy 
sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the 
days of thy life. * * * In the sweat of 
thy face shalt thou eat bread." If I was 
preaching on apostolic succession I would 
cinch an argument by citing the farmer, for 
verily that curse has been transmitted 
through Adam unto the tiller of the soil to 
this day, and is a precedent to establish the 
succession contended for, from St. Peter. 

The life of the husbandman is one of in- 
cessant moil; aye, abject drudgery. He is 
independent and contented in theory only, 
and in the minds of such visionary gentle- 
men as the organizers of the "Brook Farm 
Institution of Agriculture and Education," 
in 1841. It is no task for an essayist to occupy 
a soft-padded leather chair, lounge at his 
library table, surrounded by all the luxuries 



THE FARMER. 93 

of modern times, and pen gushing para- 
graphs in re, spring showers filling rippling 
brooks, causing mill wheels to turn and vege- 
tation to spring into life; of lowing herds, 
fat porkers, strutting pea-fowls and beauti- 
ful snow covering the earth in immaculate 
clothing; of the old-fashioned fire-place with 
its glowing back logs of oak and hickory ; of 
rustic beauties trudging o'er hill and dale to 
school. 

To the countryman these things have a dif- 
ferent aspect; the showers mean swollen 
streams washing out his dams, carrying 
away fences and cattle guards, miry roads 
and fields too soggy to be plowed. The wat- 
ers of these "sparkling, purling streams" be- 
come so muddy and full of debris, even his 
stock refuse to drink; they overflow their 
banks, depositing chips, saw-dust and slabs 
from the "picturesque mill" on his bottom 
land, nearly destroying its usefulness. The 
lovely flowers bestrewing his path consist of 
rag and iron weeds, dog-fennel and dande- 
lions which have to be dug up with a grub 
hoe before anything else can be cultivated 



94 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

or grown; his lowing herds seem to take a 
delight in breaking down line fences, getting 
into his neighbors' corn and wheat fields, 
treading under hoof the sprouting grain in 
their gambols, causing a damage to be paid 
from the few dollars hoarded up for a rainy 
day. He fattens hogs at a cost of about five 
cents per pound. After the cholera thins 
the number one half, he drives the remainder 
to market and finds the price fixed at $4.50 
per hundred. During the "buzzing of bees 
and droning of beetles" he is in the hay and 
wheat working harder than a galley slave, 
with parched throat, dust in his eyes, chaff 
in his hair, while wheat beards amuse them- 
selves by hooking their way down his back. 
The winter season finds him, not enjoying 
the poetry attached to pure white snow 
flakes gently falling, but chopping wood, 
hauling manure, husking corn or working 
like a beaver with a kit of antiquated tools 
on a whipple-tree, wagon wheel, or patching 
up an old sled. He plods around in "the 
beautiful" with no sleigh bells or buffalo 
robes forming a part of his paraphernalia; 



THE FARMER. 95 

his feet are encased in split-leather boots so 
stiff and hard they gouge holes in both an- 
kles, and he strains every muscle when get- 
ting them either on or off, owing to their 
knack of shrinking from constant moisture. 
In addition, the winter has chores on its list 
to be performed, which, translated, signifies 
hard work from peep of day until dark over- 
takes him with many things left undone. 

The treatment given the old-fashioned fire- 
place, with its penates, if true, would cause 
every grate and base-burner to be relegated 
to the scrap-iron pile. Alas, the fireplace is 
along the same hard lines as the rest of the 
farmer's luxuries ( ?) . It is at the beck and 
call of every wind ; smokes or burns accord- 
ing to whatever whim comes into its head. 
Our son of Abel struggles to yank a frosty 
backlog out of a snow drift, totes it to the 
house, throws it on the andirons, pokes up 
the brands, and is rewarded by finally secur- 
ing a blaze to warm his tingling fingers, 
while he roasts his face and scorches the 
knees of his pants to a beautiful brown, dur- 
ing all of which time his back freezes. 



96 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Your country lassie hardly fills the re- 
quirements of the aesthetic, poetic, rosy- 
cheeked rustic, dangling her frilled gingham 
sun bonnet. It is true, she is buxom, her foot 
is comfortable in a No. 8 shoe, neck measures 
15 inches, waist 31 inches, hand too large for 
kid gloves, and tips the beam at 175 pounds. 
One of her idiosyncrasies is not playing ping- 
pong, but milking eleven cows while stand- 
ing in muck from four to six inches deep, and 
feel no discomfort. After performing other 
similar farm pleasures ( ? ) , she goes plowing 
along muddy lanes to "skule," with a gait 
only equaled in grace by the movements of 
the kine she milked at daybreak; from the 
use of soft soap, made out of grease and wood 
ashes lye, her hands are red and cracked ; 
from exposure her face is freckled and made 
pimply by a diet of side meat, hominy and 
sausage 365 days in the year. This Maud 
Muller and her bumpkin brother arrive at 
"skule" to stumble over the simplest exam- 
ples in addition and subtraction ; get up and 
read in a sing-song tone from a Second 
Reader, irrespective of punctuation, enuncia- 



THE FARMER. 97 

tion or pronunciation, without the remotest 
idea of what it all means. Those shining ex- 
amples of intellectual giants (we read 
about) coming from "deestrict skules" were 
produced by an all-wise Providence for the 
purpose of furnishing the exception to the 
rule. By all the gods, the man or woman 
who so perverts facts as to leave an impres- 
sion that the country and the life of the rus- 
tic is a dream ought to be throttled. 

The graces and courtesies of the home cir- 
cle are made up in calling the father "Pap," 
who, after sousing his head in the rain barrel 
at the end of the house, gives his face "a lick 
and a promise" with the family roller towel, 
sits down to the table in his shirt sleeves and 
dank hair. The matronly wife takes up a 
loaf of bread, holds it securely against her 
bosom with the left hand while she deftly 
cuts with the right, and extends the slice on 
the knife, keeping it steady with her thumb, 
with the interrogatory, "Will you have a 
hunk?" Each member in turn showing 
marked ability to discount a Hindu juggler 
by carrying potatoes, meat and pie to their 



98 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

mouths with a knife with precision, produc- 
ing the blade each and every time from be- 
tween the lips clean and bright. This feat 
has been performed at the table so often and 
for so many years it has resulted in perfec- 
tion. The women use their aprons for hand- 
kerchiefs, and the men use their sleeves. 

In a prosperous family the day will dawn 
when a melodeon finds its way into the front 
room. Did you ever hear one? If not, you 
have never suffered. When Armanda 
squares herself before said instrument of 
torture it is awful; the wail of the dead is 
music compared to the doleful, discordant, 
melancholy noises which issue from this 
concern. Its abysmal sounds cause you to 
think of every ornery act you ever commit- 
ted. You think the day of judgment is at 
hand, and when she ends the pumping of 
pedals and releases the keys you feel as 
grateful as you would had you been made 
the recipient of all in life of value. 

The average farmer's literary mentality is 
satisfied with a weekly country paper, from 
which one member of the family reads to 



THE FARMER. 99 

the rest, of how Susan Gibbs saved the life 
of her speckled cow by substituting a cud 
made by her for the one lost by the cow, and 
then the sad intelligence of Josh Simmers' 
flea-bitten mare dying of colic. But when a 
paragraph is drawled out relating that 
Sarah Jones' brindle cow gave birth to a 
calf, and that both cow and calf are doing 
well, the whole circle rejoices. The recipe of 
coal tar for sheep scab is cut out and par- 
ticular note is made of next week being light 
of the moon, when potatoes must be planted 
and worm fences repaired. 

Talk about peace of mind with a farmer, 
my readers, it is an unknown quantity in 
his existence. His brain is always in a tur- 
moil concerning the state of the weather; 
it is either too wet, too dry, too hot or too 
cold; the rust in his oats, weevil and fly in 
his wheat, rot in his potatoes, black leg 
among his calves, gaps decimating his 
poultry, scurvy in his pigs and his crops 
suffer from rooting "elm peelers" and "razor 
backs." 

L.ofC. 



100 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Even when he gets away from the farm and 
comes to town with his hair showing it had 
been cut around an inverted bowl and trous- 
ers striking him midway between knee and 
ankle, he is common prey for the street gam- 
ins and is swindled by shell-game men and 
soap-package fakirs. If he comes out of a 
saloon, whether he drank a drop or not, a 
bluecoat immediately nabs him, calls the 
patrol wagon and sends him to the police 
station to be relieved of f 5 and costs. After 
being guyed and robbed on every hand he 
goes home a sadder, but never a wiser man. 
His mind is tortured by the sight of the 
sun on ground-hog day, a pig carrying a 
straw in its mouth, a rabbit crossing the 
road from left to right, thickness of the 
corn husk, the cry of his pea-fowls, the color 
of the clouds, direction of winds — in fact all 
phenomena of nature have sinister mean- 
ings and augur no good. 

Being unsophisticated, every Cagliastro, 
whether peddler, book agent, lightning rod 
vendor or patent right swindler waxes fat 



THE FARMER. 101 

at his expense. Credulity is the only one 
thing he possesses in an abundance. 

The summer gloaming in the country is 
in keeping with all the rest. The stillness 
is broken by croaking frogs, fiddling of 
katydids, the weird and dismal note of the 
whippoorwill, the unearthly graveyard hoot 
of the owl, with now and then an uncanny 
bat winging its way around one's head. 
Yes, he sleeps soundly, but no wonder — he 
has worked like a pack-horse since daylight 
and is so dead tired that he never remem- 
bers next morning when he slipped his gal- 
luses and let his breeches drop on the floor 
at the foot of his bed. 

There is an amusing sadness in reading 
of the gray-haired rustic sitting by his open 
fire of hickory, beech and oak, going down 
the hill of life as easily and gently as a child 
goes to sleep under the lullaby of mother. 
The fact is, he is worn out, broken down and 
prematurely old from the hardship in his 
battle with the elements, contracted rheu- 
matism, leaving his joints stiff and never 
without a "crick" in his back. Thus he sits 



102 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

after pulling off coarse boots, toasting his 
feet before the fire, with mind unfitted to 
entertain, be entertained or entertain itself. 
His life has been one unchanging scene of 
struggles, early and late. He dies and is 
buried in the family graveyard back of the 
house, with a pine board at the head of the 
grave, soon to be overgrown and lost among 
the weeds. 

You think the foregoing picture over- 
drawn and the subject seen "through a glass 
darkly." Wait! Before an artist of the 
brush hands over his canvas as finished, he 
adds what is termed complementary colors, 
which cause certain features to stand out in 
relief, enhancing the value of the painting. 
My complementary color is — the farmer, of 
all men, has taken literally the word of the 
Great and Merciful Father, tilled the soil 
and in sorrow eaten of its fruits. His move- 
ments while on earth may have been awk- 
ward, his etiquette not au fait, his adcLress 
generally below standard and the butt of 
vapid wags. No granite obelisk may be 
erected to his memory, no eulogies be sung 



THE FARMER. 103 

by man, no mourning-bordered obituary no- 
tices printed, yet this man was God's hand- 
iwork, one of the elect, and having lived a 
life free from guile, fulfilled his mission, no 
"Mene, Mene, Tekel Upharsin" is blazoned 
in letters of fire for him; on the contrary, 
he is greeted with "Well done, thou good 
and faithful servant; thou hast been faith- 
ful over a few things, I will make thee ruler 
over many things ; enter thou into the joy of 
thy Lord." Verily, I believe he now sits 
with the pure in heart on the right hand of 
God, clothed in robes of celestial glory. 
Who would not be "a hewer of wood and 
drawer of water?" Selah! 



Christmas 



u Lo! now is come our joyful' st feast! 
Let every man he jolly. 
Each room with ivy leaves is drest, 
And every post with holly." 

— Wither-. Christmas Carol. 



Cbrtstmas 

This month (November) is an opportune 
time to conjure under the heading of Christ- 
mas. 

Before the waning of another moon we 
will be calculating how to secure the largest 
returns from the coming holiday season, 
and even now the mind, working kinetoscop- 
ically, has running through it a phantasma- 
gory of delights, merriment, good cheer, 
pleasing incidents and glad reunions to be 
indulged in and enjoyed. 

By proclamation, statutory law, common 
consent, usage and custom, we have estab- 
lished and designated, out of each year, cer- 
tain days, characterized holidays; some for 
rest, recreation and pleasure, others for the 
purpose of impressing and vitalizing afresh 
in our minds some civil, religious or moral 
principle, or to commemorate an event of 
moment in the past history of this country, 



108 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

from which to draw inspiration and valua- 
ble lessons as one people, for our mutual 
benefit and mutual welfare. Be the same an 
occasion of rejoicing, meditation and 
prayer, or a day of praise and thanksgiving, 
we find holidays necessary adjuncts of life. 

Suffice it to say, the subject of this essay 
is a holiday which is celebrated, cherished, 
honored and revered throughout all Chris- 
tendom; be it under the burning rays of a 
tropical sun, amid the ice-bound seas and 
glaciers of either pole, or beneath the skies 
of the temperate zones, there you meet with 
this significant, time-honored day set apart, 
observed and fittingly glorified. 

"No date in the calendar appeals to man- 
kind and stirs the impulses of generosity, 
causes the heart to enlarge, sending the 
warm red blood of love and human kindness 
coursing through the arteries, as does the 
twenty-fifth day of December, Anno Domini. 

"At Christmas-tide the open hand 
Scatters its bounty o'er sea and land, 
And none are left to grieve alone, 
For Love is heaven and claims its own." 



CHRISTMAS. 109 

The purport of this sketch is not to ex- 
amine and dissertate on the beauties of 
Christmas decorations in cathedrals, jubi- 
lant tones from throats of majestic organs, 
of choral boys dressed in immaculate robes 
singing songs of praise, nor to follow the 
story of the Messiah related by priest and 
preacher about a brilliant star appearing in 
the firmament, pointing to the place of na- 
tivity — a guide unto the Magi from the East 
bringing offerings of gold, frankincense and 
myrrh to lay at the feet of the Babe wrapped 
in swaddling clothes, nor of a multitude of 
the heavenly hosts praising God, and saying, 
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth 
peace, good will toward men." It is said "a 
melody from heaven heard for the first and 
last time by mortal ears ';" neither can I de- 
scribe the appearance of an angel to the 
shepherds abiding in the field, keeping 
watch over their flocks, proclaiming to 
them, "Fear not; for, behold, I bring you 
good tidings of great joy, which shall be to 
all people- For unto you is born this day 



110 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

in the city of David a Saviour, which is 
Christ the Lord." 

To the believers in Christianity, these 
things are full of deep meaning and spirit- 
ual food; to the infidel and agnostic, the 
story is one of beautiful images; yet, even 
with them, 

"You may break, you may shatter, the vase 

if you will, 
But the scent of the roses will hang round 

it still." 

It is immaterial whether you be Jew or 
Gentile, Protestant or Catholic, this Christ- 
mas season in some measure has a gladsome, 
refining and softening influence upon you. 
Irrespective of religious beliefs and differ- 
ences of creeds, the Yule-tide carries a balm 
to all, and we are stimulated in listening to 
the pean of "Glory to God in the highest, 
and on earth peace, good will toward men." 

This year we will find Christmas hoary 
with age and honors ; still, however, as fresh 
and wholesome as the day it found origin 
among the Judean hills. 



CHRISTMAS. Ill 

The day is steeped in a fraternal atmos- 
phere ; in very truth the brotherhood of man 
was first made tangible on the morning of 
the birth of the Nazarene, Christ Jesus, and 
His teachings hasten the bud, bloom, growth 
and perfect fruition of the true import of 
fraternity, causing thereby a more closely- 
knit tie to exist between the units compos- 
ing humanity. 

Once a year this day comes and falls upon 
the earth's shoulders like a mantle conceived 
by and for a god; drapes itself about and 
around in such manner as to be becoming 
to all sizes, shapes, shades and conditions 
of man, bringing grace, elegance and com- 
fort to all who will wear the same. 

Christmas comes but once a year — so sang 
the bard in days of old ; but is it not a shame 
and disgrace that we do not so live, that in 
justice to our own selfishness we could sing, 
Christmas stays the whole year round? 

It is problematical whether we live and 
have our real existence in our day dreams, 
mental experiences and air-castle building, 
or in what we term the material realities of 



112 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

life. Have we not gotten the definition of 
living reversed, and that which we call real, 
being in fact a simple product of the thing 
we treat as phantasms? Your opinion be 
what it may of this idea, I want you for a 
short time to close your eyes to all external 
things, give full swing to the subliminal 
brain, and journey with me — in imagery — 
through one phase of the coming holiday 
week. 

Now, rejuvenate yourself, by permitting 
to flit through your imagination all the 
pleasures, joys, good cheer of auld lang syne! 
By virtue of this auto-suggestion or self- 
hypnotism, you find before you the dying 
embers of the yule log furnishing its last 
flickering flame to kindle the new, then, 
springing into life, the crackling, blazing 
fresh one, throwing its bright, ruddy rays 
into every nook and corner, producing a 
warmth and glow which brings into promi- 
nence the waxen mistletoe, dainty ivy, rose- 
mary, laurel and, prettiest of all, the deli- 
cate sprig of holly studded with dots of 
blood-red berries. Look again ! and you be- 



CHRISTMAS. 113 

hold plum puddings, stuffed turkeys, ginger- 
bread men, and delicacies which would 
tempt an epicurean's palate. To blot out 
this Barmecide feast, or forget the good 
cheer, the joyous feelings, bright, happy 
faces of romping children, the contented 
countenances of older heads, the inexpress- 
ible delight in seeing the human race happy 
for the moment, would be a serious loss. 
The passionate Burns says, pleasures of 
human life are 

"Like the snow-fall in the river — 
A moment white, then melts forever." 

Then let us, as sensible men, retain these 
visions so long as possible, and bequeath 
them to posterity. Dream on ! Call up past 
and anticipated family gatherings and 
pleasures of every nature, kind and descrip- 
tion associated with • Christmas ; they will 
renew and give us strength; we experience 
that here is found life worth the living, 
filled as it is with humane desires and am- 
bitions; keep the scenes before you. The 
changes are as varied as the combinations 



114 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

of a kaleidoscope; the reminiscence of the 
Christmas tree, with fantastic decorations, 
stands out in bold relief ; the open fireplace, 
ornamented with tiny stockings ; the lighted 
tapers, curly heads and roguish eyes peep- 
ing round corners or through the cracks of 
doors ajar, ere their owners have said their 
good nights and "Now I lay me down to 
sleep;" then the mysterious movements of 
the elder folk, after the little children, tired 
out, have at last closed their eyes in sleep, 
to dream (as we are now) of the good things 
in store; next, the senior members of the 
household, having performed the delightful 
duty of filling stockings, pulling forth the 
hidden sled, dolls, etc., ransacking closets, 
cupboard, wardrobe, and other out-of-the- 
way places for sweetmeats and toys, give a 
finishing touch to the Christmas tree, retire 
for the night to awake on the morn, striving 
to be first in greeting loved ones and each 
and all with "A Merry Christmas and 
Happy New Year," realizing while tokens 
of love and esteem are exchanged, an angel's 
anthem filling the soul with "Glory to God 



CHRISTMAS. 115 

in the highest, and on earth peace, good will 
toward men." Blessed memories, may they 
never grow less! I would not barter the 
psychological process which can reproduce 
and vivify such recollections for the purse 
and wishing cap of Fortunatus, magic wand 
of Percinet, or golden touch of old King 
Midas.- 

Fortunately there are but a few so sordid, 
mean and contemptible who would banish 
from memory our treasured Christmas books 
with their pictures painted in rainbow col- 
ors, showing our old patron saint Kriss 
Kringle, alias St. Nicholas, alias Santa 
Claus, almost buried under toy drums, tin 
horns, wooden animals, painted soldiers, 
Noah's arks, dumb watches, lead swords, 
building blocks, candy, nuts, and a hundred 
and one things bringing gratification to the 
little ones. What works of art these books 
were, yea, perfect masterpieces, when we got 
hold of one with old Kriss portrayed in his 
sleigh, driving over the white, crisp snow be- 
hind his team of reindeer, hurrying from 
housetop to housetop with more ease and 



116 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

agility than ever credited to the fabled 
winged Pegasus. And how well we knew his 
mission was to let himself down every chim- 
ney, when all were in the land of Nod, and 
deposit on the hearthstone just those things 
most wished for. 

Did not the benevolence christened Santa 
Claus exist, many homes would be cheerless 
and cold, but thanks to the one who first 
conceived and ordained this dispenser of 
Xmas cheer, we find him traveling from the 
log cabin in the primeval forest to the pal- 
aces of kings and queens, the same to-day as 
when we lived in the full confidence of his 
ability to supply our every want. 

It must sorrowfully be confessed — as be- 
fore intimated — there Can be found a limit- 
ed number of creatures walking erect and 
claiming kinship with God who have a theory 
entirely vicious, viz. : That because the hair 
has turned gray and shoulders stoop they 
should scowl at the Christmas festivities, 
forego its charms and mope around with a 
woeful mien, blighting the happiness which 
should be rampant. Why, the old Pharisee ! 



CHRISTMAS. 117 

There is to-day existing the same animal 
spirit for play he craved in boyhood, plus the 
accumulated joy of years to cause the world 
to forget its cares and anxieties. Yet this 
Ishmaelite, being totally out of place, goes 
round with his soured visage at this joyous 
season, lost to the bounden duty of every 
man to join the merry-makers, throwing in 
the balance his years of experience, so that 
on this day our joys may be full. Eather 
than do this, he finds satisfaction in making 
himself disagreeable and miserable, causing 
a shadow where all ought to be bubbling over 
with mirth, glee and hallelujahs. Surely such 
a one, from sheer cussedness — to use the 
Western vernacular — is "locoed," and evi- 
dently indorses the doleful lines, "Man wants 
but little here below, nor wants that little 
long." This individual gets more than he 
deserves, and, being a general misfit, should 
be led from the room, and at its exit handed 
a copy of Washington Irving's "Old Christ- 
mas" or a volume of "Christmas Stories," by 
Mr. Dickens, to peruse in his banishment. 



118 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Now, having freed the chamber of this 
human icicle, 

"Heap on more wood; the wind is chill, 
But let it whistle as it will — 
We'll keep our Christmas merry still." 

Drink deep from the wassail bowl, let your 
imaginations run amuck with all iconoclasts, 
while the "fun grows fast and furious;" stir 
up the brands and let the flames join in glad 
acclaim in honor of Xmas. Return to our 
phantasy of home gathering of kindred and 
Christmas dinner, where animosities are for- 
gotten, feuds smothered, forgiveness asked 
and granted and granted ere it is asked; 
where discord is bundled bag and baggage off 
to limbo to partake of the companionship 
of the pessimist, the morose, the misanthrope 
and discontented — from whose precincts 
they should never be privileged to depart. 

Good cheer permeates the air, everything 
and everybody. On this day, by mutual con- 
sent, mankind meet upon an equal footing, 
the beggar and millionaire find common 



CHRISTMAS. 119 

ground; all conditions of society come to- 
gether and blend in one harmonious whole; 
there is a broadening of human sympathies, 
appeals for assistance quickly responded to, 
the purse strings of the miser loosened, the 
earth feels the import of the "Glory to God 
in the highest, and on earth peace, good 
will toward men," and many an old Scrooge 
had been metamorphosed by its enchantment 
before Mr. Dickens had thought of his 
"Christmas Carol." Then the evening story- 
telling, while boys and girls go by filling the 
air with merry laughter, or the sound of jing- 
ling sleigh bells ring out in the frosty night ; 
all have a tendency to smooth away the wrin- 
kles of care. 

If the reading of this has given you a few 
moments' relaxation, called up some fond re- 
collection, brought into review pleasant by- 
gones, caused you to think better of your 
fellow-man, conveyed to you any reason why 
we should preserve this holiday or furnished 
you with entertainment, then it has fulfilled 
its mission. 



120 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

So here is a "Merry Christmas and Happy 
New Year" to you, uiy reader, in this, the 
year of our Lord, 19 — , and especially vive le 
Christmas. 



H philatelic Utem 



Stamps Are Miniature Text-Books of Art, 
History, Biography and Geography. 



E philatelic Utem 

Periodically the postage stamp mania 
swoops down upon a law-abiding com- 
munity with the vigor of a Kansas cyclone. 
These spasms are endemic, epidemic and 
contagious, sweeping old and young alike 
into the vortex of philately. It is just as 
natural for the youth to contract the dis- 
ease as it is for him to have chickenpox, 
mumps and measles. 

Fathers and mothers would do well to en- 
courage the fad for several reasons, among 
them being: It provides innocent, intelli- 
gent entertainment — indoors — away from 
"de gang ;" from an educational standpoint, 
furnishes attractive lessons in geography, 
from "Dan to Beersheba" and beyond ; it is 
a study of art — no finer engravings are pro- 
curable; artistic skill is a sine qua non in 
producing the stamp dies; perfection is 
sought; "many are called, but few are 
chosen," because any want of technique in 



124 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

workmanship means instantaneous rejec- 
tion. Many of the drawings on our postage 
stamps are miniature copies of master- 
pieces from the brush of master artists. 

For a minimum expenditure you may 
own a portfolio of exquisite scenic, histor- 
ical and natural history studies. In addi- 
tion to this, stamps will familiarize you 
with the profile and features of prominent 
men and women of many countries and na- 
tionalities. Our United States stamp exhibits 
a galaxy, to wit : Washington, Franklin, Jef- 
ferson, Lincoln, Clay, Webster, Hamilton, 
Perry, Grant, Marshall et al. The physiog- 
nomist and phrenologist can graze in this 
field to their hearts' content. 

If you are a stamp crank I have your sym- 
pathy already. If not, then stay with me 
unto the end of the chapter and at the finale 
I hope we may part friends, because we will 
find in our examination stamps have much 
of interest in them other than the fad of 
merely accumulating vast numbers, rare 
specimens and freak issues. 



A PHILATELIC ITEM. 125 

The proverbial "Philadelphia lawyer-' 
would be puzzled to keep pace with the volu- 
bility of a stamp fiend — one of those fellows 
who croons over the technical tomfoolery 
belonging to the issues, perforate, imperfor- 
ate, watermarks, surcharges, shades, em- 
bossing, cancellations, speculatives, counter- 
feits, reprints, original gum, et cetera. 

You and I can, without going into all this 
minutiae, admire tiny pictures of Egypt's 
pyramids, the sepulchres of her regal dead, 
and off in the distance the Sphinx, wrapped 
in its unfathomable mystery, found on 
Egyptian postage; can look at natural his- 
tory studies in mammals, reptiles, birds and 
fishes as presented on various stamps and 
be entertained; but when your boy comes 
home inoculated with a. handful of stamps 
used in Tahiti, Tobago, Bergerdorf, Bosnia, 
Ichay, Diego Suarez, Sarawak, Kew Kiang 
and others, asking you to locate these coun- 
tries for him, I want to say your thermom- 
eter of affection for the craze will drop be- 
low zero. To scratch your head is "no go." 
Your geography is off on a "wool gathering" 



126 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

expedition. Brush the dust off your globe, 
pull out your atlas and gazetteer, help him 
out and you will enjoy it — at the same time 
find out what a "numb-skull" you are. 

You can, however, save this disclosure of 
your ignorance by purchasing for him an 
International Stamp Album, which has the 
"whole push" alphabetically arranged, with 
a synopsis concerning each country. Have 
3^ou read much of Mr. Kipling? If so, get 
out your boy's stamp album, study the 
stamps of. India and then tackle Kipling 
again. You will not only wonder how he 
wrote on India's people so well, but that he 
could Avrite at all, and you will also appre- 
ciate why so many characters of his books 
are queer in the head, and why he cusses 
the English in his "Islanders" and calls 
upon Jehovah to help them in his "Reces- 
sional" lest they forget. 

Of recent years Uncle Sam has caused to 
be issued special stamps commemorative of 
expositions. If you examine these issues 
Avith a magnifying or reading glass you will 
be astonished to find the artistic and inter- 



A PHILATELIC ITEM. 127 

esting panorama unfolding historical facts. 
For instance, take the Columbian series of 
sixteen stamps in honor of the 1893 World's 
Fair. Arrange the subjects chronologically 
(without reference to their postage value) 
and you have a magnificent portrayal of the 
discovery of America and its incidents in 
the following: 1. Profile of Christopher 
Columbus, for whom this country should 
have been named, instead of that thieving 
Americo Vespucci; 2. Columbus begging 
alms at the Rabida monastery ; 3. Colum- 
bus soliciting aid from Isabella ; 4. Isabella 
pledging her jewels; 5. The flagship Santa 
Maria; 6. The whole fleet, Santa Maria, 
Nina and Pinta, as they stood off from 
Palos, August 3, 1492; 7. The sight of land, 
October 12, 1492; 8. The landing; 9. De- 
picts the triumphant entry of Columbus at 
Barcelona on his way to the Spanish court ; 
10 and 11 show him announcing his discov- 
ery and presenting American natives to be 
viewed by the Castilians ; 12. His unjust re- 
call, and 13, returned in chains; 14. He re- 
counts his third voyage to crowned heads; 



128 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

15. Is restored to favor, and 16 closes with 
portraits of Columbus and Isabella. This 
gallery will fasten facts — facts, sir, as old 
Gradgrind would say — in a youth's mind 
never to be forgotten, and you, my elder 
reader, will have the cobwebs brushed off 
and recollections of Goodrich, Quaekenbos 
and Ridpath will be freshened. 

Look over the Trans-Mississippi issue of 
1898 and you have a set of splendid engrav- 
ings delineating nine phases of life peculiar 
to the great West. This series was followed 
by six stamps growing out of the Pan-Amer- 
ican Exposition of 1901, giving drawings of 
automobiles and other up-to-date means of 
travel. 

Our little revenue for several years kept 
in prominence the Spanish-American war, 
with its "Remember the Maine." Thus we 
could go on taking stock and still keep from 
the nonsense so often fouDd among col- 
lectors. 

Now are we friends? No? Well, you try 
your hand on a series of stamps, and I ween 
we will be. 



A PHILATELIC ITEM. 129 

Contemplate an ordinary two-cent postage 
stamp in only a few of its aspects, and there 
will arise before you a panorama such as no 
vita, vivre, magna or mutoscope has ever yet 
portrayed on canvas or unfolded for our 
amusement and edification. It is a tiny bit 
of paper — exactly one inch long — though so 
small and with a life of short duration, yet, 
what a mighty engine for weal or woe. Its 
mission as a carrier covers every phase of so- 
ciety, from the highest to the lowest ; it an- 
swers with alacrity the beck and call of the 
ignorant, in their hovels and slums, as it does 
the intellectual scions of Harvard, Yale and 
Princeton; from the judge, clothed in his 
ermine, to the criminal in the dock; from 
the man who lives in the fear of God to the 
most debased of human beings (reveling in 
dens of vice and iniquity) ; from potentate 
to slave; from oppressor to the oppressed, 
this wee thing serves, and serves each with 
equal fidelity. It has "equality before the 
law" for its maxim, and is "no respecter of 
person." This insignificant bit acts as an 



130 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

emissary of all the passions of the human 
race. 

True, it and its tiny companions will soon 
serve their purpose and pass away, but God, 
in His infinite wisdom, alone knows how 
much misery, endless sorrow and broken 
hearts on the one hand, and how much peace, 
contentment, joy, it may cause on the other. 

It may carry the message of sin, crime and 
death, the sum total of which can only be 
revealed in the great hereafter; the river 
Lethe could only divulge the myriad of 
wrecked lives caused by its compliance with 
the wishes of those Who wrongfully used it. 
This puny little article, with no soul to be 
damned or suitable place to be kicked, car- 
ries the direful intelligence of an only son 
having filled a drunkard's grave; an only 
daughter living a life of shame ; an only child 
confined in a felon's cell, with the same non- 
chalance as it does those missives breathing 
our successes and triumphs to the ones we 
love and honor; exchanges words of affec- 
tion and veneration from child to parent, 
husband to wife, and on down the line. 



A PHILATELIC ITEM. 131 

This inexpensive little fellow is not con- 
fined to narrow limits, but has the world 
for its field of action. All the affairs of 
man — public, private, and those of the most 
sacred character — can be and are entrusted 
to its care. 

Wherefore, query naturally arises, why 
this confidence? The answer is, simply be- 
cause the United States, and all the power 
and influence that may signify, stand ready 
to protect and further the object for which 
it was created, and see that its mission is ac- 
complished. The army and navy of the re- 
public is ever watching its course — its des- 
tination; all federal officers of this broad 
land, and the delegated powers residing in 
foreign climes, are on the qui vive to see 
that no harm, no delay shall attach to a post- 
age stamp issued by "Uncle Sam." Woe, 
woe to the person who impedes its progress, 
or tampers with its cargo while in transit, or 
while lying idle, after it shall have once com- 
menced its journey. 

This bit of paper asks no questions. It 
assumes its duty and responsibilities with- 



132 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

out grumbling, and starts off "to carry a 
message to Garcia," and by way of em- 
phasis, is the only thing fully meeting the 
requirements of the quotation. It is imma- 
terial to it, whether the freight be a curse or 
benediction, love or hate, peace or war, fear 
or confidence, joy or sorrow, wisdom or non- 
sense, whether from sage or fool, man, 
woman or child — all expect and receive faith- 
ful service. 

The miniature picture of George Washing- 
ton carries with the same grace the old and 
ever fresh story of love, indited on tinted 
paper, scented with heliotrope, written with 
the white, soft, delicate hand, which knows 
naught of the world and the struggle therein, 
as it does the message penned by the hard- 
hearted, cold-blooded money lender, demand- 
ing in the alternative payment or the prop- 
erty of the poor mortal who is debtor; the 
all of this latter one is his home, earned by 
close economy after a life's battle, full of 
crosses and hardships ; who ever has had the 
hard side of the board ; the other contemplat- 
ing in her innocence the fulfillment of her 



A PHILATELIC ITEM. 133 

dreams. See you how impartial this misera- 
ble little inanimate thing is. 

Exchange of drafts for millions of money ; 
the transmission of title deeds calling for 
thousands of acres; the transferring of 
stocks, bonds and contracts, are entrusted to 
it every hour of the day, and they are safe in 
its hands, conveying them from one point to 
another with the same ease as it does Xmas 
and Easter cards of greeting. 

Now, sir, in the future do not pass by our 
little friend without due consideration. 



Bge=H tribute 



A venerable aspect! 
Age sits with decent grace upon his visage, 
And worthily become his silver locks : 
He wears the marks of many years well 

spent, 
Of virtue, truth well tried, and wise experi- 
ence. 

— Bowe: Jane Shore. 



©lb Hge=H tribute 

Many minds have accepted, without con- 
sideration, the idea that old age is synony- 
mous with dotage; senility with imbecility. 
This is a grave error, and leaves the saw, 
"Old men for counsel and young men for 
war," meaningless. 

I am not prepared to deny that in some 
instances age brings about weakened intel- 
lectual power and physical attributes de- 
pleted — all rules have their exceptions. But 
I do proclaim that old age as a general rule 
is maligned; and while a few may answer 
to the exception, yet even they ( save in rare 
cases) are a particeps criminis in not ward- 
ing off the infirmities attendant advancing 
years. 

The historical characters of the Bible as 
well as all in profane literature, who have 
left the world the stronger and better by 
reason of what they said or did, were far 



138 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

beyond the turning point of life when the ut- 
terances of wisdom or valiant deeds per- 
formed could be accredited to them. 

Aside from a limted number who were in- 
spired, all wise rules of life which have made 
man the great thinking manipulator of 
things material, were laid down by those 
who were nearing or beyond the three-score 
year and ten mark. Some one left us a 
statement about as follows : Experience is 
the only lamp we have to guide our feet. 
No one will doubt the sound sense incorpo- 
rated in such a declaration. If this be true, 
then it is necessary that man should have 
passed through many years, so as to have 
had the experience with which to guide him 
in the correct path, and does not even inti- 
mate that these years have made him less 
capable of accomplishing the end for which 
he was created. 

When you see an old mother of Israel, 
with her pale, sweet face and her white locks 
peeping from under the edge of a dainty 
little cap, you feel far from designating her 
as an infant in understanding; instead, you 



OLD AGE— A TRIBUTE. 139 

long to put your arms around her with a 
sincerity in your fervor to which your callow 
days was a stranger. 

You meet a snowy beard and whiter hair 
belonging to some old patriarch, and you in- 
stantly — if a true-born gentleman — cease 
your idiotic chatter, or cut the vulgar story 
short, for here you realize wisdom in your 
presence. In neither of these cases do you 
recognize dotage or imbecility, because of 
old age being charged to their account. 

Did you ever see the three pictures known 
as Seven, Seventeen and Seventy? If not, 
the first one shows two children, a bright- 
faced boy and dimpled-cheeked girl of seven 
summers, with their rosy lips about to col- 
lide ; the second, the same pair, only the boy 
is now a youth of manly bearing and the 
girl a lovely maiden preparing for an impact 
of the same character as delineated in the 
first picture; the third finds them with hair 
whitened by intervening years and eyes as- 
sisted by spectacles, yet the same delectable 
performance is about to take place, and the 
fascinating lips and twinkling eyes are there 



140 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

at seventy as at seven and seventeen, sim- 
ply because they are still young. It is true 
their hearts and lives have matured; still, 
dotage and imbecility are no more in evi- 
dence here than at the age of the first pic- 
ture. 

As remarked, some who have reached 
their three-score and ten years may to all 
intents and purposes fill the bill of second 
childhood, but the man or woman who in- 
dulges in sound literature, keeps in touch 
with legitimate recreations, takes an interest 
in current events, interests himself or her- 
self in humanity and views life through op- 
timistic lenses, never grows old. 

Hebe helps those who help themselves, 
and teaches them how to play with Father 
Time, tossing him to and fro like a shuttle- 
cock until the game is finished, and then, like 
pampered Arabian steeds, they are still 
fresh and ready to begin the journey to that 
Unknown Country. 

Man, starting from the valley to climb the 
hill of life, should take advantage of all 
available means of nursing his physical pow- 



OLD AGE — A TRIBUTE. 141 

ers, enlarging his mental resources, and 
keeping his mind pure, so that when he 
reaches the crest, he will have reserve forces 
producing a mind clear and body strong. 
Indeed, to show mental decay as he reaches 
the goal is criminal ; to feel a weakening of 
physical power in a measure is excusable; 
but decrepitude should be punished. The 
means to keep the mind ever fresh, young 
and active are plentiful enough, a few being 
suggested in a previous paragraph. By 
utilizing these means, the mind will know 
how to apply the laws of sanitation and 
hygiene — these laws are in reality the 
Brown- Sequard Elixir preventing wasted 
energies — the flesh will be solid and firm, 
the elasticity and strength of muscle will be 
maintained, and he can look down the far- 
ther slope with no trepidation; in fact, it 
will seem to him thus preserved, to be a 
smooth, gradual decline into the valley of 
rest. In other words, the earthly zenith of 
man, who has lived up to his opportunities, 
is reached only when Gabriel winds his 
trumpet calling him home. Up to that mo- 



142 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

ment it should be always onward, always up- 
ward, to this climateric end. I have the most 
profound respect for "Father William," as 
introduced by Lewis Carroll in his "Alice's 
Adventures in Wonderland." Here are 
two verses : 

" 'You are old,' said the youth ; 'one would 
hardly suppose 
That your eye was as steady as ever ; 
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your 

nose — 
What made you so awfully clever?' 

" 'I have answered three questions, and that 
is enough,' 
Said his father; 'don't give yourself 
airs! 
Do you think I can listen all day to such 
stuff? 
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs !' " 

I indorse the above lines for two rea- 
sons — first, Father William evidently had 
followed out the lines of preserving 
himself to a green old age; and second, 



OLD AGE — A TRIBUTE. 143 

because his answer to the inquisitive smart 
aleck is exactly the one that should be given 
to some others whose names are not in 
books — the woods are full of them. 

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." 
Thus a man may be old and still be young 
in years according to the life he has pursued. 
Lord Byron wrote a poem entitled "On This 
Day I Complete My Thirty-sixth Year," in 
which he says, am^ng other things : 

"My days are in the yellow leaf; 

The flowers and fruits of love are gone ; 
The worm, the canker, and the grief, 
Are mine alone !" 

He simply voiced the reflex of his own 
waywardness, and was old indeed — in sin. 
Years had nothing to do with such appar- 
ent infirmity of mind, for he should, at the 
expiration of thirty or forty years in addi- 
tion to his thirty-six, have had a conscious- 
ness. 

"Age is opportunity no less than youth 
itself, 
Though in another dress, 



144 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

And as the evening twilight fades away 
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by 
day." 

Because Shakespeare in "As You Like It" 
closes with a speech, he puts in the mouth 
of Jacques: 

"Last scene of all, 
That ends this strange, eventful history, 
Is second childishness, and mere oblivion ; 
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans 
everything." 

Many have adopted this version as the 
infallible result of old age, but if the im- 
mortal bard was alive to-day, upon investi- 
gation, he would find the condition of affairs 
entirely out of harmony with his blank-verse 
assertions. The sans teeth would resolve it- 
self into a complete set, capable of perform- 
ing everything required of them; the sans 
eyes have formed a copartnership with 
lenses adapted to their peculiar needs, which 
give a range of vision equal to youth; the 
sans taste has developed into a connoisseur 



OLD AGE — A TRIBUTE. 145 

of art, music, literature and viands, and the 
sans everything has to-day grown into a 
broadened area of living, which includes as 
a part of the whole that the old man ob- 
serves, hears and enjoys more of life in one 
year than actually existed during a whole 
generation at the time "As You Like It" 
was written. The greatness of man is shown 
in man's achievements. The achievement 
which has made him the greatest is the fact 
that the threescore years and ten have long 
since become an obsolete term, when used 
as synonymous with the maximum expec- 
tancy of life. To-day the old man is proud, 
and rightfully so, of having reached a period 
when he can appreciate the fruits of a well- 
balanced intellect which has, and is, increas- 
ing man's longevity. 

As every government census shows the 
center of population moved farther west- 
ward, so with man traveling toward his set- 
ting sun. Every decade shows his meridian 
advanced, and his active participation in the 
control of business, development of the 



146 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

country, launching of gigantic enterprises 
and his usefulness prolonged. 

The man in this day who hobbles around 
supporting himself with a cane, or listlessly 
sits by the fire with vacant countenance, 
and who is no longer interested in the af- 
fairs of life, and who is not consulted on 
matters of importance, is a vara avis in- 
deed — a fit freak for a dime museum. 

Palsy from old age and broken down con- 
stitutions, so prevalent a century ago, has 
been superseded by a nervous energy which 
is binding continents together with cables, 
and then cobwebbing them with telegraph 
and telephone wires ; tying towns and cities 
east, west, north and south with steel rails ; 
building ocean greyhounds which have a 
speed only a fraction less than express 
trains ; reclaiming millions of acres of waste 
and arid lands; digging a canal connecting 
the Atlantic with the Pacific ; erecting mass- 
ive business structures of stone, marble and 
granite, superb in their magnitude and mag- 
nificence; sending wireless messages, han- 
dling the stocks and bonds of the commer- 



OLD AGE — A TRIBUTE. 147 

cial world; trotting the globe in less time 
than Phileas Fogg and Passepartout, and a 
multitude of items bringing to mankind un- 
told comforts and experiences. 

The conservative, acute, logical gray mat- 
ter held in leash by common sense and sound 
judgment, is not found plentiful in man 
until many frosts have come and gone. Till 
then the fire of youth burns too rapidly, 
causing him to act on the impulse and not 
reason, and it is hazardous to place too 
much dependence upon him. 

I do not belittle the young man, but am 
endeavoring to show old age as it is, when 
the foundation is properly laid in the pre- 
paratory days of youth and early manhood. 

"Just as the twig is bent the tree's in- 
clined." The young man who appreciates 
how important a clean life is to his declin- 
ing years and practices physical, mental and 
moral economics intelligently, will be found 
living a life free from mental and physical 
disabilities while grandchildren are anx- 
iously awaiting for their happy old "grand- 
dad" to join them in their romp. 



148 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

The pathetic side of old age is to know 
that in the course of inexorable laws the 
one before whom we strew our laurel 
wreaths; upon whom we depended for sup- 
port when too feeble to aid ourselves ; from 
whom we sought counsel in our dilemmas, 
and who led our unsteady feet and un- 
steadier minds up to our majority ; to whom 
we now go if in distress, must be taken 
away, leaving us stranded temporarily on 
the shores of time. 

Nothing can excel the halo surrounding 
old age in the human race, and nothing calls 
attention to how short our earthly existence 
and how expeditious we should be in doing 
the Master's" work, so as to be ready with 
some fruit to lay at His feet when the nat- 
ural law has meted out to us its full limit, 
and we, too, shall enter eternity; and such 
can be our pleasure if we bring ourselves 
within the letter and spirit of the closing 
lines of Bryant's "Thanatopsis," which run 
as follows : 



OLD AGE — A TRIBUTE. 149 

"So live, that when thy summons comes to 

join 
The innumerable caravan, that moves 
To that mysterious realm, where each shall 

take 
His chamber in the silent halls of death, 
Thou go not, like the quarry slave at night, 
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained 

and soothed 
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy 

grave, 
Like one who wraps the drapery of his 

couch 
About him, and lies down to pleasant 

dreams." 

This may read with a flavor of sermoniz- 
ing. It is not so intended. However, if you 
study life honestly and seriously, you will 
find a sermon in it from the cradle to the 
grave. The issues at stake are so enormous 
that you are awed and feel that you should 
tread softly and speak in whispers when you 
reach the point of how rapidly the moment is 
approaching when the final reckoning must 



150 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

be made, the account cast, the balance struck 
and the book of life closed. As a parting ad- 
monition to my readers and myself, "Let us 
hear the conclusion of the whole matter: 
Fear God and keep His commandments, for 
this is the whole duty of man." 



5\>mpatb\> 



"No man is so accursed by fate, 
No one so utterly desolate, 
But some heart, though unknown, 
Responds unto his own." 

— Longfellow: Endymion. 



S^mpatbs 

The death of England's queen and India's 
empress, Victoria, had its proximate cause, 
it is said, in sympathy. TJiis grand old wo- 
man's heart throbbed for those who were 
sacrificing their lives in the South African 
conflict, and not only did she feel for her 
own subjects, but her commiseration went 
out for the struggling Boer. Even though 
possessed of a throne she was without power 
to stay the carnage, and so profound was her 
grief, the fragile thread which bound her 
soul to its casket of clay snapped asunder. 

It would be difficult to. find in the economy 
of man and nature a word of more signifi- 
cance than the term Sympathy. It attaches 
itself to and is an integrant of every atom 
of the universe, and if properly administered, 
is the Open Sesame for solving the labor and 
capital problem now so vital an issue. 

This article is not a disquisition on the 
topic of how it enters into all animal, vege- 



154 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

table and mineral kingdoms, or how, without 
it, death would ensue; neither will space per- 
mit me to show how the earth in its orbit, 
the light from sun, moon and stars, how 
heavenly bodies and seasons are controlled 
by harmony (sympathy), or how, without it, 
all would be reduced to a state of chaos, 
"without form and void." We will, however, 
look at one phase of its far-reaching influ- 
ence, viz. : Human sympathy permeates our 
lives to such an extent that our every 
thought and act is more or less based upon 
its application. In our affairs, whether pri- 
vate, domestic or public, we are confronted 
with some one of its synonyms. 

The word is so broad in itself as to even 
embrace its antonyms owing to their sym- 
pathetic attributes ; for example : Sympathy 
is equivalent in general acceptation with 
that which is good, noble, benevolent, kind 
and humane, yet the thief, burglar, high- 
wayman and brute are in sympathy with that 
which is wrong, ignoble, cruel and inhu- 
mane, in sympathy with their nefarious call- 
ing, hence essentially in sympathy with their 



SYMPATHY. 155 

co-thieves and companions, all being tbe con- 
verse of the understood definition. Never- 
theless, contrary to what sympathy is digni- 
fied to mean, it exists when bad and bad 
join hands for any evil scheme, by which act 
a link in a chain of sympathy is as surely 
welded for woe as it is believed to stand weal. 
Is it broad? We have but to pause a moment 
to realize that we are a free and independent 
people growing out of sympathy generated 
in the thirteen original colonies for freedom. 
Sympathy with independence was the main- 
spring which started the mechanism of this 
great demo-republican government and 
keeps it in motion. The "Imperial purple" 
of the world is progress. That we have ad- 
vanced is evidence of our sympathy with pro- 
gression ; that our sympathies have been ex- 
ercised in behalf of good rather than evil is 
attested by our material, social and intel- 
lectual improvement ; and we are still build- 
ing along these lines. Give me the sympathy 
of the people for a reform and the reform 
will abide with us. Thus the Magna Charta 
was wrenched from King John; thus the 



156 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Declaration of Independence was born in 
1776; and so on down to John Brown and 
the spasm of Mrs. Carrie Nation of recent 
notoriety. Sympathy with a movement 
makes it a power. 

Do not contract the term to pity and com- 
passion ; rather render unto it full denning, 
to wit, love, charity, benevolence, harmony, 
kindness, benignity, toleration, union, con- 
cert, yearning, and you hold a magnet. 

We are successful in our ambitions in just 
so far as we are in hearty accord, co-opera- 
tion — sympathy — with the end sought to be 
attained. Owen Meredith gives a truism by 
writing, "The man who seeks one thing in 
life, and but one, may hope to achieve it be- 
fore life be done ; but he who seeks all things 
wherever he goes, only reaps from his hopes 
which around him he sows a harvest of bar- 
ren regrets." 

Sympathy gave Adam a helpmate in the 
Garden of Eden. Sympathy saved Noah and 
his family. The same medium caused Moses 
to remain with a stiff-necked, overbearing 
and thankless people in the wilderness. It 



SYMPATHY. 157 

is sympathy in its purity which links the 
human and divine, made the cross a reality 
and life everlasting, a legacy, bequeathed on 
Calvary. 

The only material difference between 
Christianity and Buddhism, is found in the 
"Golden Rule," which, in a nutshell, outlines 
the doctrine of each : Christ's great heart, 
filled with divinity and pulsating with love 
for humanity, delivered, "Whatsoever ye 
would that men should do to you, do ye even 
so to them," as the essence of God's message 
to man. Buddha, in his narrow, selfish, 
earthly limitations, gives the principle of 
the Golden Rule, but in the negative form; 
that is, he does not advise doing good, but 
says refrain from evil, refrain from doing 
harm to your fellow-man, because he will 
then refrain from harming you. What a mis- 
erable apology ! Christ knew He would ago- 
nize on the cross, yet with His fervent inter- 
est in humanity, said : "And I, if I be lifted 
up from the earth, will draw all men unto 
Me." 



158 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

No strictures can be applied to sympathy. 
It enlarges every time you attempt to corral 
it, and arises from the effort with renewed 
strength as did Antaeus of old. It signifies 
not only fellow interest between human be- 
ings, it means interest and harmony between 
man and his work, between man and his en- 
vironment. 

Sympathy was the factor which caused 
Florence Nightingale to expose her life for 
the welfare of suffering soldiers in the Cri- 
mean war. A like work was continued by 
Clara Barton's Red Cross brigade. Sympa- 
thy is concrete; its essence has builded the 
orphan, insane, deaf, dumb and blind asy- 
lums throughout the broad land, as well as 
places of retreat and refuge for the unfortu- 
nate and afflicted. Mrs. Stowe wrote her 
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" at a time when the 
people north of the Mason-Dixon line were 
in sympathy with the liberation of four mil- 
lion slaves, and the full effect of that book 
on the question will never be known. Sympa- 
thy spurred Bennett to send Stanley to 
search the wilds of Africa for Dr. Living- 



SYMPATHY. 159 

stone. Millet painted the Angelus, with his 
soul in his subject, which resulted in a con- 
ception of sanctity seemingly breathing from 
the canvas, and you all but hear the Angel us 
chime. Haydn composed his oratorio, "The 
Creation," on his knees in prayer, and it tells 
its own story from the whirling chaotic be- 
ginning to final consummation of creation; 
no need of a libretto here. John Audubon 
was so in sympathy with bird life as to al- 
most tell exactly what the birds' next move- 
ment would be. Garner lived two years in a 
cage in the jungles of Africa studying the 
language of the ape family. Tesla visited 
Colorado and camped on the summit of 
Pike's peak for the purpose of perfecting his 
electrical knowledge by taking advantage 
of its dry and rarefied atmosphere. 

The catastrophe of St. Pierre caused the 
eyes of every nation to turn in the direction 
of the little Isle of Martinique, following 
the course of their ships freighted with every- 
thing the human mind could devise to relieve 
and palliate the suffering caused by the dis- 
astrous eruption of Mount Pelee. This was 



160 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

a gigantic wave of practical human sympa- 
thy. 

Why these things? Sympathy — nothing 
save this — has incited man to accomplish the 
things placed to his credit, making him a 
citizen of the world. 

The sympathy of Isabella, of Spain, with 
the apparent dream of Columbus, led her to 
pawn her jewels to test the scheme. You and 
I are the legatees of that confidence. Mil- 
lions of money was expended on the Pan- 
American Exposition, with the object of 
weaving the bond of sympathy between the 
Americas more firmly. 

Emerson stood at the bier of Longfellow, 
looked down at the dead face, and, after the 
funeral, said : "The gentleman we have just 
been burying was a sweet and beautiful soul, 
but I forget his name." The gigantic brain 
of Emerson was gone, still the sympathetic 
fibre lived. 

To be in accord with his subject, Charles 
Dickens visited Paris, trod the streets and 
boulevards, saw the Place de la Concorde, 
where "La Belle Guillotine" had stood, con- 



SYMPATHY. 161 

suited all available archives, and then wrote 
his "Tale of Two Cities," which, for a vivid 
description of the Eeign of Terror, is second 
only to Mr. Carlisle's "French Revolution." 
Shakespeare makes Ulysses say, "One touch 
of nature makes the whole world kin," and 
Burns tells us, "Man's inhumanity to man 
makes countless thousands mourn." These 
are perfected ideas of human sympathy, and 
how truly can we verify the last quotation 
in the martyred presidents of the United 
States ! 

" 'Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest 

bark bay deep-mouthed welcome as we 

draw near home : 
'Tis sweet to know that there an eye will 

mark 
Our coming and look brighter when we 

come." 

The reason for this is because we are in 
harmony, in love, in sympathy with the mem- 
bers of the home circle. 

If sympathy was paramount in the home, 
the divorce laws enacted would die of ennui. 



162 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

If the parents were in harmony with each 
other and their offspring in sympathy with 
parents, no criminal statutes need grace our 
literature ; yea, not even would there be ter- 
ror in the Decalogue. 

All human effort, intellectual power, as- 
tronomical science, mineral and vegetable 
growth is pervaded with some form of sym- 
pathy. It is the perfect law, and when 
rightly defined and utilized will cement all 
into one symmetrical whole, fulfilling the 
end as contemplated by the first great Origin. 



Zbe ©lb fireplace 



"A warmth from the past — from the 
ashes of by-gone years and the raked-up em- 
bers of long ago — will sometimes thaw the 
ice about our hearts." 

— Hawthorne: Fire-Worship. 



Gbe ®tt> fireplace 

Dame Fashion, the Juggernaut of civili- 
zation, is so assiduously courted by her dev- 
otees, that rarely you find a man with nerve 
and hardihood sufficient to throw off her 
chains, escape from her web, and assert his 
independence by instructing the architect to 
incorporate in his plans an old-fashioned 
open fireplace. 

There is a frank, honest and inviting at- 
mosphere in the environments of the old 
(out-of-date) fireplace, with its fire-dog sen- 
tinels, standing guard by day and vigil by 
night over the purity of the hearthstone. 

The lares, penates and other household 
deities, which once graced the home and held 
council on the old hearth, are no more. 

The sunbeam from without, and genial 
glow of the open fire from within, were es- 
sential to their existence; these being sup- 
planted by heavy draperies excluding the 



166 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

daylight, and stove, steam and hot-air ar- 
rangements shutting off the firelight, signed 
the death warrant of these tutelary com- 
rades. 

There are few homes to-day wherein can 
be found an old fireplace, with its swinging 
crane, and simmering, singing kettle accom- 
panied by an orchestra of crickets with their 
fiddles; such a delightful scene and enter- 
tainment will live long in the memory of all 
who have sat around the old hearth, crack- 
ing hickory nuts, popping corn, or roasting 
apples, and often their mouths water for a 
"Johnny-cake" hot from the ashes. 

Cinderellas and fairy god-mothers are no 
longer nurtured by the warmth of the old 
hearth; the evening pipe, the hum of spin- 
ning wheel, click of knitting needle, and air 
castle building in the light of flickering back- 
logs, are things of the past. They have been 
walled in with brick and mortar as literally 
and as effectually by the votaries of Madame. 
Fashion, as was the paramour in the closet 
of Balzac's great story of "The Grande 
Breteche." 



THE OLD FIREPLACE. 167 

The requiem has been sung over the pyro- 
technic display of myriad sparks chasing 
and jostling each other as they went scam- 
pering in their frolicsome flight up the chim- 
ney, and the cheerful ray, causing the and- 
irons to cast soldier-like shadows, occupies 
the same winding sheet. 

After a day of moil, what a satisfaction 
and relief to sit by the old fireplace, feel its 
warmth, and watch the smouldering embers 
while the good wife spread the cloth and pre- 
pared the evening meal; after which, the 
logs being replenished, the family gathered 
round this shrine and regaled one another 
with folk-lore until time to ask God's bless- 
ing and retire. 

It must have been just such an assembly 
which inspired Burns for his "Cotter's Sat- 
urday Night;" nothing short of a similar 
picture could have done it. 

Desiring to be fair to present methods, I 
freely admit the atmosphere of the room 
just referred to was not as hot, sultry and 
fetid as the modern drawing room; but it 
was comfortable, and the occupants 



168 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

breathed plenty of unused oxygen, leaving 
them free from headache and lassitude, re- 
sulting in perfect health ; hence a lively con- 
ception of the duties of true manhood and 
pure womanhood. 

The open fireplace had the faculty of 
producing mens sana in copore sano — a 
sound mind in a sound body — which state- 
ment is attested by all who have kept from 
under the wheels of the Juggernaut car first 
mentioned, and held on to the open fire. 

We live in an age of invention, improve- 
ment and advancement; still, I gravely 
doubt the wisdom which prompted the abo- 
lition of the old fireplace and its glowing 
hospitality. 

The substitution of the coal grate did not 
violate every intelligent idea of hygiene, but 
all other appliances for heating retain 
hygienic principles in name only. 

In 1845 — over half a century ago — Mr. 
Hawthorne wrote his scathing essay, "Fire- 
Worship," giving his opinion of stoves, then 
coining into vogue, displacing the open fire. 
It would be excellent reading if some kin- 



THE OLD FIEEPLACE. - 169 

dred spirit would bring that essay down to 
date under present conditions. 

The fireplace and roomy hearthstone, 
with blazing, crackling logs and flames 
climbing up the wide-mouthed chimney sug- 
gest primitive days, true; but without the 
ploughman and smell of the soil you will 
have to blot out Gray's "Elegy" — one of the 
most chaste and superb pieces of literature 
in the English language. Eliminate from 
literature pioneer life, and all reference to 
hunting dogs dreaming on the old hearth- 
stone, the beatitudes of the old fireplace, and 
you have made a serious detraction. 

The sturdy men who blazed the forest, 
cleared the land, fought the red-skins, and 
opened up this vast and glorious "Land of 
the free and home of the brave," undoubt- 
edly found inspiration and strength from the 
old open fire, which helped them in the her- 
culean task they had on hand and must over- 
come. 

In the brilliant, tremulous flame the back- 
woodsman and pioneer read his horoscope 



170 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

with truer results than could have been 
guessed at by astrologer or sibyl. 

In the meteoric beams of light as they shot 
from freshly ignited slivers or burst from 
spots where a live coal had been fighting for 
an exit, and at last secured a swallow of 
oxygen, these men divined their path, and by 
meteoric feats of courage and steady, per- 
sistent battling, at last conquered the lone- 
someness of the wilderness, danger of wild 
beasts, bloodthirstiness of savages and bar- 
renness of soil; delivering to posterity the 
grandest country on earth, with the right 
earned to enunciate the above quotation. 

Coming in contact with one of the few 
open fireplaces, still to be found in sparsely 
settled rural districts, far from towns and 
cities, is like an oasis to the traveler cross- 
ing the hot sands, being a blessing to all who 
come within reach of its gleam of welcome. 

In the vicinity of an old fireplace you in- 
hale an atmosphere of chivalry and nobility, 
causing the incarnation of a generous, 
warm-hearted gentleman, becoming the im- 
age of God, where before dwelt a cold, cal- 



THE OLD FIREPLACE. 171 

culating machine — simply an automaton, 
shaped in the form of man. 

The twentieth century apparatus for heat- 
ing our homes and cooking our dinners are 
about as cold and cheerless looking as the 
material from which they are made. And it 
is only a question of a very short time when 
all light and cheer in connection with either, 
will be tabooed and we will be using iron 
plates or some other device heated by an un- 
seen electrical current, concentrated rays 
from the sun, or other caloric. 

The amount of greed and selfishness which 
can be traced to the ostracizing of the open 
fire is incalculable. Stinginess and vicious- 
ness could not thrive in the glow of the burn- 
ing logs, the bud of meanness was treated 
as lese majeste and blighted before it had 
fully taken shape. The warmth from back- 
wall penetrated the room and kept hearts 
free from all for self, and caused each who 
came within its magic circle to feel that he 
was his brother's keeper. 

There was something wholesome, mag- 
netic, in the room wherein was situate the 



172 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

open fire and old mantel, adorned on either 
side with hearth broom, bellows, shovel and 
tongs, and on top with big pippins, sample 
ears of maize, pipe, tobacco, candle snuffers 
and knitting needles stuck through a partly 
finished stocking; the wall above decorated 
with bullet pouch, powder horn and rifle. 
Too, in this room the friendly company 
could be had of the old homestead clock, 
with its tick-tock, tick-tock, as it towered up 
in the corner, being not only a time keeper 
of minutes and hours, but a calendar of day 
and month, his jolly old face surmounted 
with the phasing of the man in the moon, 
waxing to waning and then to waxing again 
— a multum in parvo, clock calendar, alma- 
nac and companion. 

The old fireplace gloried in generating do- 
mestic happiness with its bright, ruddy 
rays; in fact, the old open fire has offered 
up one continuous petition with its blazing 
logs, trying, ever since the brand was 
snatched from on high by Prometheus, to 
atone for the larceny by causing its cheery 
flame to give light, warmth and life ; yet we 



THE OLD FIREPLACE. 173 

have corraled the brand and incased it in 
air-tight heaters and. cellar furnaces to be 
devoured, just as Jupiter chained Prome- 
theus and caused the vulture to consume his 
liver daily. Now the question : Who will be 
the Hercules to reinstate the open fireplace 
by releasing the unholy bands of Fashion? 



Spare^dbs 



"Neither cast ye your pearls before swine, 
lest they trample them under their feet, 
and turn again and rend you:' — St. Matthew, 
chap, vii, v. 6. 



Spare^ribs 

When a mere lad an insane idea took pos- 
session of me that I would go into business 
on my own hook and become in a few months 
as flush of money as a bloated bondholder. 

I had one dollar and thirty-five cents in 
cash, and knowing that my father was will- 
ing to honor a small overdraft on his pock- 
etbook, the desire waxed fat. While skir- 
mishing around and investigating the field 
of "How to get rich quickly" and "Money 
made easy," and sizing up with a Wall 
street broker's importance various schemes 
presenting profitable, dividend-paying in- 
vestments, the tentacles of an hallucination 
reached out and drew me within range of 
siren notes, which represented that all the 
potato, apple, peach and other pealings, to- 
gether with the refuse from dinner table 
and kitchen, in connection with swill and 
a due proportion of bran, could be trans- 
muted into bright shekels. 



178 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Saturated with the conviction that I had 
at last found the Philosopher's Stone in 
this alchemic compound, I "hiked" myself 
to an honest ( ?) young farmer, who lived 
on the outskirts of the village, and after 
considerable dickering and _stealthily ac- 
quiring information as to just how to feed 
swine so as to reap the greatest harvest and 
what remedies were most commonly used 
for mange, scurvy and cholera, I finally, 
while employed in stroking my beardless 
chin, assumed a business-like attitude and 
closed a deal for a long, lank, emaciated, 
cadaverous, withered anatomy he called a 
shote. 

Verily I didn't know it at the time, but 
this selection proved to be my Scylla and 
Charybdis. I selected this specimen after 
matured deliberation for two very import- 
ant considerations. 

First, in looking at him I thought I saw 
the opportunity of my life to transform 
clover, grass, blighted roasting ears and 
vegetable tops into "daddy dollars." In- 
deed, he had the appearance of being badly 



SPARE-RIBS. 179 

in need of oats, Mellin's food, birdseed and 
condition powders. He was, I conceived in 
a minute, the long sought for Alkahest 
or universal solvent ; and 

Second, he was blooded stock. This hon- 
est ( ?) young farmer guaranteed him to be 
a thoroughbred Poland-China, Buff Cochin, 
Merino, Durham or Clydesdale; at this mo- 
ment I do not recall the particular breed. 
However, long ere his swineship and I dis- 
solved partnership (and to my sorrow the 
old co-partnership story of experience and 
capital changing hands had been verified in 
my case), I found that my rustic had double- 
discounted Bret Harte's "Heathen Chinee" 
in subtle deception ; for ways that were dark 
and tricks that were vain, this hayseed was 
very peculiar, regarding the pedigree and 
possibilities of my future gold mine. Ow- 
ing to the fact that my stock in trade turned 
out to be of the Arkansas elm-peeler and 
razor-back breed, principally more of one 
blood than the other, he being so chameleon- 
like in taste and ambition and so unaccom- 



180 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

modating I could never analyze him suffi- 
ciently to ascertain which predominated. 

I have seen men who were so wishy- 
washy, mealy-mouthed and vacillating that 
you never knew where to find them on any 
question, be the query one of politics, re- 
ligion, public improvement, national or mu- 
nicipal administration, or anything else. 
Such nonentities are plentiful. 

Not so with the quadruped out of which 
I expected to lay the foundation of a multi- 
millionaire. He was anything but vacillat- 
ing ; that was on my side of the sty, not his. 
He was positive, deliberate, determined and 
always had his way and headed the dress 
parade procession on boulevard de cussed- 
ness seven days a week. Apropos of these 
weaklings — labelled men — just mentioned, 
every municipality has its full quota; they 
are too weak and too cowardly to be per- 
mitted the right of franchise or to commin- 
gle with decent men and women, yet these 
creatures are patted on the back and made 
to believe they are fine fellows — God's 
handiwork — at election times, and im- 



SPARE-RIBS. 181 

pressed with a notion that the destinies of 
our republic depend upon such as they. At 
no other season or place do such cattle ever 
"cut any ice/' excepting always in their 
homes, where, ten chances to one, they buffet 
and kick their poor little offspring and 
swagger and yell in a basso profundo voice 
at the woman they promised to keep in sick- 
ness and distress; and by all the gods and 
little fishes they do keep her in sickness and 
distress, as shown by the police court rec- 
ords, where, morning after morning, they 
are arraigned for wife beating, and by ac- 
tions pending on every civil court docket in 
the state for non-support. Such vermin 
should have been thrown in the Ganges in 
their infancv. 

The brute I bought, taken as a whole, was 
superior to this type of the human race, yet, 
I will vouch for the pig we have under dis- 
cussion as being the orneriest of the swine 
creation, a "sorter" Nero and Beelzebub 
combined. He could have graced the high- 
est throne in inferno and made old Pluto 
look and feel like thirty cents. Holy smoke ! 



182 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

how this ant-eater snouted, Belgian-eared, 
evil-eyed, cloven-hoofed, concentrated, dou- 
ble-distilled extract of devil and pig could 
squeal, snort, rip, tear and root. He was 
alone in his class and would have been a 
great subject for a side-show banner. 

As before stated, I closed the bargain with 
this son of Abel, who agreed to weigh his 
pigship and deliver him next day in town. 
This son of Ananias in due time arrived 
and dropped my pig from a cage fastened on 
his wagon into his new quarters, which were 
to be his future home, as I anticipated, until 
I had him, by kind treatment, luxuriant bed- 
ding and excellent provender, showing the 
rotundity of a trust magnate and tipping the 
beam at somewhere near four hundred and 
fifty, avoirdupois. 

The bill was then presented by the vendor 
calling for 106 pounds, at |7.00 per cwt., 
making item one $7.42. He was, I will al- 
ways believe, weighed by apothecary or troy 
weight, and then only after he had been 
chloroformed. He never could have been 
made to stand on an open Fairbanks plat- 



SPARE-RIBS. 183 

form scale like any other of the sus specie. 
It dawned on me finally that the fellow who 
formerly held title to my pig had buncoed 
me out of 424 ounces of pork, equivalent to 
twenty-six and one-half pounds, avoirdupois, 
by his adoption of a weight system contain- 
ing scruples — no, not scruples ; he had none. 
Everybody knows that all live stock is 
weighed with a sixteen-ounce-to-the-pound 
scale ; this rural genius used a twelve-ounce. 
Of course the butcher's hand is always 
"weighed in the balance and found want- 
ing" when you open your package of meat 
at home, but this, by universal custom and 
common consent, has become what is termed 
in law an easement, from the use of which 
he can not be deprived ; and again, in selling 
you the weight of his hand it does not reach 
the enormous tonnage of twenty-six and a 
half pounds at any one purchase ; hence you 
do not feel the full force of the shortage. 

Be that as it may, you have Item One, 
$7.42. 

The first item of expense, in point of time, 
really was the carpenter for labor and mate- 



184 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

rial furnished in getting ready for his high- 
ness, viz. : Trough, $1.75; fixing gang-plank 
from parlor to play ground (you are hereby 
informed that the subject of my investment 
had apartments, an ordinary sty, and this 
inclined plane led to his parlors in an old 
log barn, which also served for sleeping 
apartments ) , 50 cents ; building outside pen, 
$3.40; fixing floor in parlor and inserting 
sliding door between parlor and the cold out- 
side world, 50 cents ; making a total of $7.15. 
This, then, is Item Two. 

When Mr. Pig had "mozied" around and 
surveyed every nook and corner of the prem- 
ises he grunted a grunt that I thought was 
one of satisfaction and contentment. In this 
I was mistaken — as I was throughout the 
game; the farmer dealt me a hand from a 
"cold deck" — he very sedately walked over 
to one corner of the parlor, stuck his snout 
in a crack, making a breech of such dimen- 
sions that I was sure my father's barn was a 
goner. I suppose he did this because I had 
employed a non-union carpenter. The re- 
sponsibility thus shifted upon one or two 



SPARE-RIBS. 185 

logs was such as to remind me of the boy*s 
definition of that word — responsibility — 
when asked by his teacher; he said he could 
give an illustration, which he did, by saying 
that if a man was going up street and all the 
buttons on his trousers to which his sus- 
penders were attached should come off, ex- 
cept one in front and one behind, those two 
would represent responsibility. A neigh- 
bor's boy was sent post haste for a saw and 
hatchet manipulator, who consumed several 
hours in closing the breech, for which he re- 
ceived |1.60, giving us Item Three, $1.60. 
The entry was made, although with some 
fear and trepidation. You see I had to bor- 
row $6.17 from my father to take up Item 
One. ( I had invested ten cents of my $1.35 
for soda water and peanuts the day of my 
purchase by way of celebrating the event.) 
Then add to this $7.15 carpenter and $1.60 
carpenter,* and you have $14.92, all of which 
was an overdraft, to be covered by increase 
of pig, and I did not feel that much more 
could be added or my profits would all be 
consumed in running expenses, leaving the 



186 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

net gain marked in the form of a goose egg, 
thus— O. 

For several days my piggie seemed to have 
the blues and was downhearted and quite 
homesick. I felt sorry for him, realizing 
that he had been brought from the open field 
and shady wood; had been used to outdoor 
exercise; a diet of beech nuts, acorns and 
other mast, and had regaled himself rhyth- 
mically rooting to sylvan airs as they floated 
from the pipes of Pan, and placed in a 
strange home. 

One night this subdued mood changed and 
an orgy was held on our back lot unsur- 
passed in the annals of bacchanalian tradi- 
tion. It must have been demonstrative. No 
one saw it ; no one had the temerity to open 
a shutter of a house in our neighborhood 
until daylight, and the inference that my pig 
was of Irish descent and had been chairman 
of a wake the night before, was drawn from 
the wreckage of trough, pen, parlor, sliding 
door and gang plank in evidence the next 
morning. My pig was still there in the cor- 
ner, looking as demure and coy as a blushing 



SPARE-RIBS. 187 

maiden. My heart failed me. I felt the burn- 
ing tears ready to gush, when, by a super- 
human effort, I threw off childishness and 
began to say to myself "Aren't you a specu- 
lator? Isn't that pig your property?" and 
as "Faint heart ne'er won fair lady" was 
written for just such critical stages in a 
man's life, I braced up and went to work to 
repair the damage. When the occupant had 
endured the pounding and sawing as long 
as he deemed proper, he went for me, and 
then we had it in great shape. The rounds 
were short, sharp and rapid. I came out of 
the scrap victorious, that is, I saved my life, 
but minus a pants leg and hatchet. The life 
is here to relate the incident; the pants leg 
was ruined for future service, and the 
hatchet was afterward recovered by the exer- 
cise of ingenuity and a snare made on the 
principle of a hangman's noose. 

For several months things went along with 
more or less friction — more always being a 
neck ahead — and repairing of pen and 
trough, his pet amusement being to root the 
trough from its moorings; turn it upside 



188 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

down and land it on the farthest side of his 
apartments; railroad spikes would not hold 
it, and every day my life was in jeopardy 
towing it in position for my wealth-produc- 
ing Alembic. 

This bsibj of mine had a disposition as 
contrary and obstinate as the disposition of 
the eleven stubborn jurors, who refuse at 
every court term to agree with the twelfth. 

To say he was blase is putting it gently; 
he had long since taken his degree as past 
master and had been installed in a higher 
office. 

I carried him hundreds and hundreds of 
pails of the richest swill a hog ever stuck 
his snout in, and he managed to have capac- 
ity for it all and squealed for more. I bought 
and had charged to my father's account corn 
during this animal's captivity amounting to 
$17.55, Item Four. I should say here, I re- 
ceived a discount on this item, as it really 
figured up more. 

Permit me to digress long enough to say : 
Throughout all these months of trials, tribu- 



SPARE-RIBS. 189 

lation, sorrow, misery, woe, anxiety and con- 
stant fear of bodily injury or death, my 
father stood by me "like a brother." His 
staying qualities, the grit he displayed, and 
the strain on his credulity relative to the 
profits to be indulged in by me some day, 
showed greater confidence than that canard 
concerning Damon and Pythias. Keverting 
to my feeding this hog, nee pig, he had one 
redeeming trait and that was, he tried to get 
fat. He tried hard, and even would gorge 
himself to assist me in developing my dream 
of riches. He ate all the time ; ate everything 
in sight ; ate more than any hog ever had be- 
fore or since; digested and assimilated every 
pennyweight of my alchemic composition, 
and yet could never grow an aldermanic 
stomach, save for a few minutes after having 
swiped up three or four buckets of slop and 
a half bushel of corn. I have been told, and 

I believe it is even now generally conceded, 
that forty days feeding of a peck of corn a 
day would produce a fat hog. I had read in 

II Corinthians, chapter ix, at verse 6, 



190 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

"He which soweth sparingly shall reap 
also sparingly ; and he which soweth bounti- 
fully shall reap bountifully." 

Having been taught that this pupil of 
Gamaliel was O. K., and believing in the 
wisdom and integrity of anything Paul 
wrote, I fed my pig for over eighty days two 
pecks of corn a day, and still he did not de- 
velop into anything you could call fat, or 
any other term which would convey the ap- 
proach of sausage, bacon or lard. At the 
end of that time his piggie form had 
changed ; he was larger, but it was simply in 
height and length, and the stretching out in 
both directions had made him so thin that 
you could count his ribs or locate the wad of 
grass, corn or watermelon rinds without the 
intervention of an X-ray machine. 

Knowing him as I did, I think this frail 
consumptive condition (for he was a sure 
enough consumer ) was brought about by his 
nervous, erratic temperament. Too, his con- 
stitutional irascibility and laying awake o' 
nights planning deviltry — this being his long 
suit — with loss of sleep and mental strain, 



SPARE-RIBS. 191 

was not conducive to flesh ; then the numer- 
ous tilts we had made him muscular and 
agile, but not fleshy. He got, by practice, so 
expert he could stand on his hind legs and 
knock off the top board of his sty with the 
adeptness of a trained prize fighter. That 
fellow actually would have made Barnum 
more money, if properly handled and adver- 
tised, than the Swedish nightingale, Jenny 
Lind, the Chinese giant Chang, the Lillipu- 
tian Tom Thumb, or his f 20,000 talking ma- 
chine. 

The fight between St. George and the dra- 
gon was a side show, a mere bagatelle, as 
frivolous as pillow-dex, ping-pong, or parlor 
croquet, to the daily performance between 
the writer of this sketch and his protege. 

It is said, "The way of the transgressor is 
hard" — on the victim. In the vernacular of 
the Katzen jammers, "I in the neck got it," 
being the victim when I purchased my pig, 
but retribution "is earning" to the galoot 
who took from me the $7.42, Item One, and 
gave me in exchange the only hog which es- 
caped being choked when driven in the sea 



192 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

about twenty centuries ago. You remember 
in the Gospel of St. Mark, he says, "There 
was about two thousand;" the exact figures 
should have been given, which was one thou- 
sand, nine hundred and ninety-nine, this pig 
being the about, he having escaped, causing 
Mark the uncertainty in his estimate. 

My experience, however, was an educator. 
Up to this time I did not know the value 
of the word waste, nor the various ways the 
word could enter into my affairs and the af- 
fairs of my family. To illustrate meagrely 
how my attention was called to this mono- 
syllable : My hog wasted away, or, at least, 
never filled out like other hogs did; this 
being true, my forty bushels of corn was 
wasted; the carpenters' work and material 
was wasted, so far as I was profited; my 
father's money was wasted, because as soon 
as I got scared I inveigled him into assum- 
ing all the shares of stock in my enterprise ; 
the hot words this hog's action propagated 
(when my father was not around) were 
wasted, owing to his ignorance of a sailor's 
vocabulary ; all my pounding, coaxing, male- 



SPARE-RIBS. 193 

dictions and prayers were wasted; in fact, 
from the time I "hiked out" of town to see 
my honest (?) farmer up to the time his 
bristles lost their identity behind the stanch- 
ions of the packing house, my life was worse 
than a blank. My days were days of real 
solicitation as to whether or not I could ever 
play even, and my nights were filled with 
dreams of battles and narrow escapes. De 
Quincey must have had some such restless 
hours which furnished him material for his 
"Confessions." 

At last the omega came. The season of 
watermelons, vegetables and fruit had 
closed, and corn was on the jump, higher 
and higher every day, and my hog was being 
metamorphosed into a white elephant. 

Horse sense told me if I did not want to 
pawn my clothes and put a mortgage on the 
object which had taken all my time, strength 
and money, I had better dispose of him. 

Whereupon, I employed a sturdy German 
boy for fifty cents, Item Five, to help me 
drive my charge to the porking house sham- 
bles, situate about one and one-half miles 



194 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

from where his hogship resided. We con- 
sumed nearly a day and another fifty cents. 
Item Six, given a negro to assist us. And 
after many ups and downs delivered him to 
the weigher, who checked him off ; did some 
figuring and gave me a slip of paper calling 
for |11.80. This, my reader, was to cover 
all the items hereinbefore mentioned, and 
leave me the corner-stone of my wealth. 
The smallness of the sum written on that 
slip nearly caused heart failure, but I man- 
aged to gulp down about 'steen sobs every 
step, and finally cashed the slip at the cash- 
ier's window. 

Now let me recapitulate : 

Item 1— hog I 7.42 

Item 2 — carpenter 7.15 

Item 3 — more carpenter 1.60 

Item 4 — corn 17.55 

Item 5 — white boy 50 

Item 6 — black boy 50 

Total expended $34.72 



SPARE-RIBS. 195 

I forgot to add I ruined a buggy whip. 1.25 



Making the true cost of this hog. .$35.97 
I did not count the bran [that was 
given to me], nor all the labor in- 
volved in feeding. I received cash . . 11.80 



Leaving me "in the hole" $24.17 

This was in dollars and cents. In addi- 
tion nearly lost my life a score of times, 
broken down in health from mental worry, 
and physically wrecked from too strenuous 
a life as the outcome. 

It never rains without pouring. I bought 
a suit of clothes, tagged Middlesex blue, for 
$9.00, a straw hat for $1.00, and had $1.80 
left to the good. After togging myself out in 
a "biled" shirt, donning my Middlesex blue 
and new head gear, I attended a champion- 
ship base ball game between the home team 
of Bed Stockings and the visiting Eovers. 
All nature was smiling when I started, but it 
rained (it always rains on base ball cham- 
pionship games), and then smiled again. 
The rain softened my hat so that it drooped, 



196 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

giving me the appearance of a horse with 
pink-eye; the sun shone so hot and bright 
immediately after the shower that all the 
Middlesex blue was drawn out of the shoul- 
ders and back of my coat, causing it to re- 
semble the one given poor Joseph by his 
brothers. 

I wish I possessed the ability to write this 
hog's obituary, following the same lines as 
did Petroleum V. Nasby, in his "The Truth- 
ful Kesolver." 

I was born and baptized a gentile, and so 
remained until my experience with this four- 
legged monster, fake, swindle and night- 
mare, at which time I became, and am now, 
an apostate to my own religion and a prose- 
lyte to Judaism whenever the subject of pork 
is broached. Those old Hebrews who ta- 
booed swine have had, have, and will have, 
my moral support in keeping this quadruped 
at the head of the boycott list. Not even 
Charles Lamb's "Dissertation on Roast Pig" 
can cause me to waver for an instant in my 
respect for the law of the Israelites on this 
subject. And if you stop and think you will 



SPARE-RIBS. 197 

remember Lamb got the "copy" for his es- 
say from the John Chinaman, who also eats 
rats, cats and puppies. No, thank you, no 
more pigs for me. I do not trot in that class. 
I know when I have had enough. 



* 



Zbe passing of tbe ©16 
Mill 



"Sweet Memory, wafted by thy gentle gale, 
Oft up the stream of Time I turn my sail, 
To view thy fairy-haunts of long-lost hours, 
Blest with far greener shades, far lovelier 
flowers." 

— Rogers: Pleasures of Mem. 



Zhe passing of tbe ®Ib fflMll 

"I would sing about the wonders 
Of the golden age ahead ; 
But my heart is filled with music 
Of the days that now are dead. 

And an image keeps intruding 
On the mirror of my mind, 

And I see the dear old visions 
Of the years that lie behind." 

This was caused by seeing a picture of an 
old mill with its dripping overshot wheel 
and broken-down dam. The picture pro- 
duced a vision of the old mill as it stood in 
my youth. I use the term old, advisedly, be- 
cause mills propelled by water power never 
had a callow day; they were born aged, al- 
ways surrounded with an atmosphere of an- 
tiquity and at no time without moss-covered 
roofs, indicia of seniority. They are all old. 



202 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Who ever saw a new water-power mill? 
While the vision called forth by the picture 
remains 

"Let me sing a song of sunshine, 

As it used to seem to glow 
O'er the green old hills and valleys 
In the summers long ago. 

When all nature was a poem, 
And it had no need of words ; 

When our souls within were singing 
With the chorus of the birds." 

Recollections jostle each other of how in 
spring and autumn the small boy followed 
the meandering streams, peeping through 
the undergrowth of willows for an inviting 
pool in which to cast his line, or sat straddle 
of an old sycamore overhanging a known 
and tried fishing ground, invariably ending 
his discursion by planting himself and court- 
ing contentment on the old mill dam. Here, 
with bare feet dangling over the edge and 
a tempting bait having been tossed to the 
finny tribe, he would be lulled into day 



THE PASSING OF THE OLD MILL. 203 

dreams by the rumbling mill and tumbling 
waters, and contemplate the monotonous 
swaying of his bright colored bob while he 
beholds an imaginary string of fish. All 
boys have been disciples of Izaak Walton. 

Beyond the picture, urchins can be seen 
in the heat of summer, sporting like dolphins 
in the back waters of the dam, until from 
exposure to the sun's hot rays it became nec- 
essary to have mother apply rich cream to 
blistered shoulders. What boy has not ex- 
perienced the cooling properties of cream 
on a sun-burned back? 

The vision contains the winter scene, when 
the same stretch of water had congealed into 
the smoothness and almost hardness of crys- 
tal. Above the old dam there is to be found 
ample room, with a pair of skates, to spread 
the eagle, cut a figure eight, front and back 
circles, to say nothing of the Dutch roll, base 
and pole. And the skates of that day ! There 
was sufficient iron in the blades of the old 
"turn-up" brand of skate to have shod a sled ; 
then the boy, struggling with knife and gim- 
let to extract pebbles from holes in boot heels 



204 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

previously prepared, ere recognition was 
given the screw, after which came the adjust- 
ment of a yard or more of strap twined 
around toe and instep, made taut in divers 
places by the insertion of sticks of wood — 
cutting off the circulation of blood as effect- 
ively as a Spanish garrote. The usual wind- 
up of these days of recreation was the appeal 
again to mother, this time to bring into 
requisition mutton tallow for ankles minus 
skin and chunks of flesh caused by the 
vicious gouging of twisted boot counters. 
But to return to the mill. What a calm would 
come over one, what a soothing and forget- 
f ulness of worry and care while lounging in 
the old mill window gazing at the waters 
hastening over the dam; the fall, foam and 
spray was a veritable miniature Niagara. 
Back of him the old perpendicular saw — in 
wooden frame — eating and crunching its 
way through huge logs or burrs in operation, 
grinding, powdering and pulverizing grain, 
producing enough noise and commotion to 
have waked the seven sleepers; still, amid 
it all, his attention was riveted on the boil- 



THE PASSING OF THE OLD MILL 205 

ing, turbulent waters at the foot of the dam, 
oblivious to sound of saw blazing a pathway 
or whirr of upper and nether stone reducing 
cereals to flour and meal. 

Across the creek song birds piped for him 
while he watched for mermaids to arise and 
comb their tresses for his entertainment, or 
an Undine to appear and salute him by waft- 
ing a kiss ; he dreamed of the years to come 
and builded air castles which have, one by 
one, gone down, together with the old mill. 

"So forgive me if I linger 

In the byways of the Past ; 
If on Recollection's pictures 

One last, lingering look is cast. 
We will sing the songs to-morrow 

Of the golden age ahead, 
But to-night I hear the music 

Of the days that now are dead." 

There is a tinge of sadness in the passing 
of these venerable and picturesque mills. 
The ugliness of to-day's commercialism 
causes one to think another beatitude should 
be added to our present eight and run as 



206 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

follows: "Blessed are they who have seen 
the old water-power mill, for theirs shall be 
a sweet recollection." Tradition and picture 
is all that is left to our children. The pro- 
saic, business-like environment of the pres- 
ent furnishes nothing so poetic and grateful 
to the eye, nothing calling out the refinement 
born in all mankind like the old mill as it 
stood in the primitive days. 

The boy then knew not the import of • 

"The mill will never grind with the water 
that is passed ;" 

but how vividly in retrospection does he 
realize wasted opportunities and the thou- 
sand and one things he might have achieved, 
lost to him now. Too late he appreciates 
there can be no utilization of "the water that 
is passed." Query : With the years of ex- 
perience and the knowledge of past laches, 
should the full import now be presented of 
"The mill will never grind with the water 
that is passed," would man grasp opportuni- 
ties and be greater or better? I doubt it. A 
few might lay hold of the situation and 



THE PASSING OF THE OLD MILL 207 

profit ; but I surmise the multiplied tempta- 
tions, products of the growth of present en- 
lightenment, would more than offset his ac- 
quired knowledge, and the net result be even 
worse. Is a surmise that all is for the best, 
optimism? I think so, and also believe the 
optimist has the only legitimate claim to wis- 
dom, because of being attuned to a cheerful 
view of life and thus believing all things are 
for the best, thinks with the Calvinist: 
"What is to be, will be, whether it ever comes 
to pass or not." 

What a contrast we find in the miserable 
pessimistic holding of the iconoclast, who 
gloats in tearing down our idols and who re- 
fuses to let the dead bury their dead, but 
finds delight — a fiendish delight — in demol- 
ishing the sentiments belonging to ye olden 
times. How different is 

"My hair is gray ; the years have set 

Their signet on my brow, 
But must I in old age forget 

The little children now?" 

sang by an Ohio bard! The thought is as 
true and sentiment as strong of cherished 



208 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

things of yore as of the prattling babes of 
the poem. 

The old mill is a large creditor of litera- 
ture. How could we do without the "Mill 
Pond Nix;" the beautiful daughters of mill 
owners making this a trysting place with 
country lads or being carried off by gallant 
knights on chargers of purest white ; of bold 
robbers raiding from this rendezvous; of 
ghosts and goblin tales galore ; of the weird 
home of bats and owls, and many other 
stories of this character? All old things are 
not lovely, but, among those that are, the 
mill retains a halo of glory. 

There is something pathetic in the thought 
of how, when the old mill was in esse, the 
serpentine channels of our creeks showed 
the water deep and abundant the year 
round ; in this, the morning of the twentieth 
century, the steady-flowing creek of old is 
a mere shadow of its former self, reduced 
to a thread, and in many places the bed in- 
dicating no moisture at all. This was 
brought about by wanton waste of magnifi- 
cent timber. The hillsides have been stripped 



THE PASSING OF THE OLD MILL 209 

of the woods which sheltered the soil, which 
in turn stored the moisture and regulated 
the supply, keeping alive during all seasons, 
the springs and rivulets to feed the larger 
streams. To-day the rains fall as then, but 
instead of saturating the earth and gradu- 
ally producing enough moisture to keep 
nature in poise, the water rushes down to 
dry creeks, soon to become roaring torrents, 
carrying destruction before and leaving 
devastation and wreckage behind. 

Thanks to thoughtful men, this vandalism 
of our trees is being stopped by legislation. 
However, several generations will come and 
go before forests will again dot our country 
and the streams renew their freshness and 
beauty of yore and the boy find limpid wa- 
ters in which to toss his fly. Our friend the 
old mill has gone forever, leaving pleasant 
memories, and when we, too, shall have 
passed away, may we leave to our children 
memories as refreshing and pure, charged 
with goodness and godliness. So much for 
the thoughts indulged in upon seeing the pic- 
ture of an old mill. 



Wonberlanb 



"Hear ye not the hum 
Of mighty workings?" 
— Keats: Addressed to Haydon. 



TOonfcerlanfc 

Come along, come along ; everybody come 
along with me, and visit wonderland — a 
wonderland of fact ; a wonderland of start- 
ling revelations ; a wonderland which could 
have been made the site of "The Adventures 
of Alice ;" a wonderland as interesting in its 
novel features as any clime of mythological 
lore; a wonderland where all laws familiar 
to man in geology and mineralogy have been 
set at naught — where mammoth caves and 
caverns exist, entrancing in their fairy-like 
appointments of glittering council cham- 
bers, exquisite grottoes decorated with glis- 
tening stalagmites and stalactites — where 
gold, silver and other precious metals are 
found in formations in direct violation of all 
known science relative to ore-bearing rock; 
a "neck of the woods" of which one moiety 
was procured from Napoleon Bonaparte, 
and the other from the descendants of Mon- 
tezuma ; where the climate of both temper- 



214 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

ate and frigid zone exists in the same lati- 
tude; where mirages stand cities upside 
down, and poise mountains on their apices; 
where the magicians (brain and muscle) 
have out-Aladdined Aladdin in the produc- 
tion of palatial homes, equipped with com- 
forts, conveniences and luxuries the tailor's 
wayward son and his genii never dreamed 
of. Where the shades of Vulcan and Pro- 
metheus would hide their faces in very 
shame at their ignorance, should they behold 
the titanic blast furnaces, smelting and steel 
plants ; where a rattlesnake, owl and prairie 
dog occupy the same apartment in loving 
harmony ; where perpetual snow and Italian 
skies abide, and while golden harvests are 
being garnered in the valleys, the avalanche 
is tearing, with the fury of a legion of fiends, 
a path down the mountain side; where the 
cowboy oft is found scanning the "London 
Lancet" and "Paris Figaro" for his light 
reading, but keeping in touch with his alma 
mater by hanging on to his Latin Horace 
and Greek Xenophon. Where the loco- 
motive skips across chasms, skims up moun- 



WONDERLAND. 215 

tain steeps and over passes, doubling on its 
track like a fox pursued, enters the bowels 
of the earth, only to reappear nearer the 
skies, and at night from the valley you see 
its cyelopean eye wink and blink like a liv- 
ing, breathing, reasoning demon as it dodges 
behind a bluff, snaps around a ledge, or 
whips out of a tunnel — apparently dashing 
helter-skelter in space — where two trains 
speeding along in the same direction and on 
the same continuous pair of rails, if one 
mile apart, will at one period indicate a 
head-end collision as inevitable and the next 
instant be running away from each other 
like two whipped curs, only to change posi- 
tions and one meekly follow in the wake of 
the leader, soon to reverse the leadership ; 
and thus railroads play tag in our wonder- 
land. Where the awful hand of volcanic 
convulsion has left mirrored lakes far above 
the clouds, emptied mountains, and with 
their contents reared castles and fortresses, 
minareted and turreted, builded and sculp- 
tured monuments for the "Garden of the 
Gods," and other places which have stood 



216 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

the test of time like the mute sentinels 
builded by the Pharaohs on the banks of 
the Nile. Where the shape of a cross is in- 
laid on the mountain side, formed of the 
beautiful snow, remaining there the year 
round, ever reminding us of Him who it 
typifies in its immaculate purity. A won- 
derland where the broken covenant of the 
Pilgrim Fathers, to the effect that all men 
should have the right to worship God accord- 
ing to the dictates of their own conscience, 
has been redeemed and religious tolerance 
permitted, from the subdued Quaker wait- 
ing for the spirit to move him, to the self- 
inflicted tortures of the demonstrative Flag- 
ellants. A land where the Indian's Mani- 
tou watches over healing waters: — the veri- 
table fountain sought by Ponce de Leon — 
giving strength to the weak, restoring health 
to the sick, and causing the cripple to throw 
away crutch and cane — in short, producing 
more miraculous and genuine cures each 
year than the famed Notre Dame de Lourdes 
has, since the water was discovered by the 
sick child Bernadetta, too, where, had De 



WONDERLAND. 217 

Soto traveled farther to the northwest and 
Ooronado farther northward, the former 
would have reached his El Dorado, and the 
latter his fabled Quivira, in either of the lo- 
calities now known as Cripple Creek, Victor, 
Leadville, Aspen, Ouray or Silverton. 
Where yesterday the Indian, buffalo, elk, 
wolf, beaver and trapper held full sway, to- 
day the automobile and electric car glide 
over asphalt pavements, between business 
blocks towering aloft — hives peopled with a 
teeming commercial population, in direct 
communication with every bourse on the 
globe. 

This is a glimpse of Colorado — our Won- 
derland — which one hundred years after the 
Declaration of Independence was signed, 
doffed its swaddling clothes, dropped the 
"Ty." from its signature, and entered into 
man's estate; unfurled to the breezes of 
heaven a standard emblazoned with Nil sine 
numine — (we are nothing without God) — as 
its motto, one of the grandest truths ever 
heralded on banner or uttered by man. 



218 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

Pygmalion chiseled from ivory the figure 
of a woman, fell in love with it, hung ear- 
rings in its ears, strings of pearls around its 
neck, and prayed the gods for a wife like his 
ivory virgin. Venus heard his petition, and 
the image became a beautiful, living reality. 

The frontiersman pushed out to the east- 
ern slope of the Eocky Mountain chain, 
where Mr. Irving had said nothing could 
ever be grown, terming it the American Des- 
ert; but these pygmalions chiseled away, 
tilled the soil, planted grain, run irrigating 
ditches, and fell in love with the country. 
The sand dune, formerly under the dominion 
of soap-weed, cacti, buffalo-grass, antelope, 
jack-rabbits and gophers, has been trans- 
formed, so that it will and does produce any- 
thing, from the most delicate flower to the 
hardiest cereal or sturdiest tree. The most 
delicious cantelopes and watermelons in the 
world, found embedded in crushed ice on the 
tables of epicureans in our eastern munici- 
palities, are grown not many leagues of 
where old Leather Stocking breathed his 



WONDERLAND. 219 

last, and in the same country crossed by 
Francis Parkman, with Indians as guides. 

Colorado, with its rarefied and dry atmos- 
phere surcharged with ozone, and almost 
continuous sunshine, puts forth a mortal en- 
emy to that dread disease, consumption, 
staying its horrible ravages, as soon as the 
patient places himself within its jurisdic- 
tion. It is superior in its subtile treatment 
in healing the wasted and shattered lung to 
all anti -toxins and lymphs prepared by Dr. 
Koch and his imitators. 

In the Corcoran gallery in Washington, D. 
C, you wll find a small bust catalogued 
"The Veiled Nun." To pass it by with cur- 
sory attention you see nothing more than an 
ordinary bust ; give it close scrutiny, and the 
features seem to be behind a veil ; the meshes 
are so perfectly worked out by the skill of 
the sculptor that you feel confident you can 
insert your hand between the veil and face ; 
yet, the whole is one solid block of marble; 
the remarkable value is appreciated only af- 
ter this careful survey. So with Colorado — 
the tourists by the thousands pass over this 



220 HOMESPUN ODDS AND ENDS. 

wonderland without knowing any more 
about it and its value than you would have 
known concerning the veiled nun by giving 
it casual notice. If they would evince a de- 
sire to examine into the resources of this 
commonwealth, they would find, as in the 
bust, a surprising picture. You may fence 
the "Centennial State," and enclose a civili- 
zation, numerically, as perfected in educa- 
tion and refinement as any to be found, with 
cities built of iron, steel, stone and brick in- 
ferior to none; elegant homes fitted with 
every up-to-date appliance, all being sur- 
rounded with superb scenery of vast plains, 
velvety parks, cloud-reaching mountains, 
endless chasms, gorges and canons as pic- 
turesque as you could wish ; in fact, in mag- 
nitude and variety stands alone and unsur- 
passed by any spot on earth. Here you will 
find magnificent valleys teeming with the fat 
of the land; on every hand streams filled 
with speckled trout and other game fish. 
Every time you renew your research you will 
be impressed with new beauties and the new 
face of the landscape, causing you as much 



WONDERLAND. 221 

anxiety to secure it all as it did the crazy 
caliph, Vathek, to decipher the ever-chang- 
ing inscription on the sword. 

The foothills are lavish in small game, and 
farther back, mountain sheep, wolves, wild- 
cats, pumas, elks, bears and panthers 
abound. This is the hunter's paradise, 
sought by President Roosevelt for his hunt 
royal. At night you stretch your tired limbs 
before the campfire, and while the fire-brand 
tips the fir and spruce with golden hue, be 
entertained by the "music of the pines," un- 
der the.direction of that prince of musicians, 
Aeolus, soothing you into the land of 
dreams, where I now leave you, Adios. 



OCT 



1 \902 



